


hope you'll be safe (in the arms of another)

by thistableforone



Category: Rizzoli & Isles, Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Best Friends, F/F, Friends With Benefits, Jealousy, No Strings Attached, Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-08
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2020-06-24 04:14:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 33,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19716010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thistableforone/pseuds/thistableforone
Summary: “I certainly haven't forgotten you, Lena.”God, she doesn't know why her words hit her so hard in the stomach. She missed her. Her honesty, her wonderful mind, her class. She was the only one who was able to keep up with her, to challenge her, to take her by surprise. It seems like not much has changed.Lena Luthor and Maura Isles went to boarding school together. They had a close relationship, and despite the years they find the chemistry is still there. The only difference is, they're both in love with someone else now.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this idea in my mind for quite some time and I finally decided to develop it a bit. The problem is, once I started to actually write it, the story took a complete different turn to what I had imagined. I just couldn't bring it back to where I wanted, so I gave up and let it carry /me/ where /it/ wanted and this is the result.  
> I'm writing the next chapters and I STILL don't know where it's gonna go lol (which is why tagging this is difficult)  
> Be warned, it could end in any way...
> 
> English is not my first language. Please forgive my mistakes.

Maura Isles’ name appears on her phone as the caller ID one morning totally unexpectedly.

Lena had kept track of her when boarding school was done and their lives had taken different paths - she did it for other people, too - but the truth was she paid extra attention for her. She knew the university she had chosen, she had been informed when Maura became the Chief Medical Examiner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, she saw the news about her biological dad being a mafia boss.

Lena was discreet, and being totally honest she didn't know what place she had in Maura's life, so she couldn't be there for her as she wanted to. She sent flowers to congratulate her for her job position (Maura called her to thank her) and she followed Paddy Doyle's process from afar, making sure everything went well. The last time she had heard about her was when a psychopath had kidnapped Maura for days. Lena logically knew Maura's colleagues were cops, and that her best friend was a highly capable detective who made it to the news multiple times, but she still had her own investigation running two hours after she found out Maura was missing.

Detective Rizzoli found her first, and Lena breathed a sigh of relief knowing Maura had someone protective at her side.

She didn't call that time. She considered it, she also thought about going to Boston to see her, but Lena didn't even know if she remembered her.

So when she sees her name on the phone, it takes her by surprise. She glances at the time - seven in the evening - straightens her back against the chair and answers before questioning it further.

“Hello?”

“Lena, hello. It's Maura Isles.”

Oh, how she's missed that soft voice - a couple of words and the tension is already leaving her shoulders. She relaxes in the chair and toes off her shoes.

“Maura Isles,” she repeats smiling, “It’s been so long.”

“I know. I was afraid you wouldn't remember me, actually.”

“Is there someone who has met you and forgotten about you?” Lena chuckles. “But if it helps, I wondered the same about you.”

“I certainly haven't forgotten you, Lena.”

God, she doesn't know why her words hit her so hard in the stomach. She missed her. Her honesty, her wonderful mind, her class. She was the only one who was able to keep up with her, to challenge her, to take her by surprise. It seems like not much has changed.

“That's actually the reason why I'm calling. I've been looking for an excuse to catch up with you for quite some time now, and there's a criminology convention in National City I plan to attend in a couple of days. Do you think you can make some time for me?”

Why is she always so honest? Why does it feel like she's coming entirely for her, and why do Lena's hands shake at the thought of seeing her again?

“Where are you staying?”

She says it without thinking, worrying her thumb nail between her teeth, trying to make it sound casual. She hears Maura's clear laugh on the other side of the line.

“I booked a hotel room.”

“Unbook it. You're staying with me.” Well, if she isn't diving into it head first…

“I can afford it, you know? I'm pretty rich,” Maura fires back, still smiling. 

Lena, on the other hand, can't smile for the life of hers. Maura can touch the right strings so effortlessly and leave her unharmed completely. “And I can afford the whole hotel. I'm the richer here.”

“You're always the richer, Lena Luthor.”

“It will be easier to catch up if we're in the same place.” It's true, and she prides herself for coming up with it. “I have a guest room. And it's not being used much.”

“Not comfortable sleeping with me anymore?” Maura laughs, ignoring that Lena was thinking exactly the same. “Or is there someone that could be jealous?“ 

“Just get here, Maura.”

* * *

She arrives on a Saturday on Lena's jet. She had to accept her friend's offer after her insistent pressure, when she remembered Lena's love language was acts of service. She had requested a pilot, though, and Lena had agreed. Overwhelmed by the flutes of champagne and the luxury of the seats, Maura had re-lived their years together in her mind, back when they were teenagers in an all-girl boarding school, both adopted, both unloved, both so brilliant.

The thrill that the raven haired girl could make her feel back then was like nothing she had experienced before - she was beautiful, heavenly so, sharp-tongued and outworldly smart. She didn't make fun of her: on the contrary, Lena was the first person to be intrigued by her passion for studying, by her curiosity. For the first time the attention, the looks she was receiving, didn't make her feel like a freak.

She found herself pulled towards her. They started to talk, to open up, to spend time together. Maura had gotten her into riding, and Lena made her rebel, encouraging her to do it naked to protest against funds cuts. Lena had shared her inventions with her, her ideas, and Maura was forced to go out of her comfort zone to keep up, to go beyond what she was learning by heart to turn it into new information. They discovered together the importance of a form-fitting skirt, the sheer power of stilettos, and in counterpart the pleasure of being just a little bit inappropriate from time to time.

They realized their interest for women, and then they realized their interest for one another.

So they would indulge unashamedly in the quietness of the dorm or in the loudness of school bathrooms. A hand over the mouth, a hand under the skirt. It wasn't like they wanted to spend their lives together - they were destined apart, along opposite paths, and they knew it. The connection was different: mental, intellectual, physical. Not romantic.

By the time Maura lands, her mind is overflowing with memories she thought she had forgotten. And when Lena's driver drops her at L-Corp headquarters, something disturbing begins to form in her belly: anxiety, maybe, mixed with excitement. She tells her name to the guards and he tells her Miss Luthor is waiting for her. 

That _Miss Luthor_ radiates control, importance, and it spreads through her like a shiver, turning her boneless for a moment. The second part, on the contrary, - _she's waiting for you_ \- makes her feel powerful. The head, the heart of this empire, one of the most influential people on the planet, one that has a superhero on her side, is _waiting_ for her. 

She thanks him politely and then goes to the lift. It takes her to the last floor, and a woman greets her as soon as she exits.

“Hello Miss Isles. I'm Jess. Did you have a nice flight?”

“I did, thank you, Jess.”

The girl nods and motions her to come closer as she gets up and knocks on the double door in front of her. She pokes her head inside, says something Maura doesn't hear, and then opens the door fully for her, keeping it open.

“You can go in.”

* * *

Despite the years apart, the slight change of their voices, the good and bad experiences they've both been through, being with one another is still as easy as it was back then.

There's a moment when Maura walks into Lena's office when they both watch each other in utter silence - they're still the girls from boarding school in a way, but they've learned to keep their backs straight, their facial features are sharper, their bodies definitely adult.

After that moment of analysis, Maura walks towards her and the sound of her heels propels Lena to round her desk and meet her halfway. Maura is smirking at her, extending her hand for her to shake. 

“I thought we were way past this.”

Maura hums as Lena crosses the last space between them: she circles her waist with her arms on instinct, her hands pressing into the small of her back. Maura's arm - the one that's not holding her purse - comes up around Lena's shoulders; she breathes at the familiarity of it, at the perfume hiding the natural smell she was used to, and her face nuzzles against Lena's cheek. 

“I missed you,” she whispers into her ear, and Lena tightens her hold on her with a sigh.

It's impossible to ignore the feeling of their bodies pressing together after so long, it's difficult to let go.

They part at some point, take off their heels and fall on the couch, their legs under them despite the tightness of their skirts and the space between them less than socially acceptable. They're facing one another, Maura keeps her arm on the back of the couch and Lena is pressed into the corner. They're cozy, familiar, and tired of being distant.

They're lost in the memories they're digging out when the door flings open and someone walks in, so much that they don't notice any of it. It's the gasp of surprise and the altering of the steps that finally catch Lena's attention.

She turns her head towards the sound, and Maura mirrors her but stays as close as she was. She hums at the figure to herself, studying her.

“Kara!” Lena finally says. She extricates herself and gets up as Maura watches them in turn: the blonde girl, _Kara_ , keeps flickering between them with her mouth slightly agape, and when Lena walks up to her she notices the missing heels at her feet. 

“Gosh Lena, I'm so sorry!” she says as she accepts Lena's quick embrace. “I didn't know you were busy, Jess wasn't at her desk and I-”

Lena smiles as they part. “It's fine, Kara, don't worry.”

Maura finds her cue to get up when Lena turns back to her and points at her with her hand.

“Kara, this is Maura Isles, the Chief Medical Examiner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. An old friend of mine,” she says as Maura straightens her skirt and comes closer. “And Maura, this is Kara Danvers, one of the best reporters in National City and my best friend.”

“Nice to meet you,” Kara says, extending her hand and smiling.

“Nice to meet you, too,” Maura replies, shaking her hand in return. “I've heard about you. You're Supergirl's favorite reporter.”

Kara laughs, ducking her head and adjusting her glasses. “Ah! That's not really-”

“She's _my_ favorite.”

Lena's remark makes Kara's laugh die immediately, and she looks up at her completely at loss of words despite the softness she finds on Lena's face. Maura watches in silence the interaction, saving the information for later. 

“Well, I… came here to see if you wanted to have lunch together, but I don't want to interrupt,” Kara says, watching Maura for a moment before going back to Lena. “Are we still on for game night tonight?”

“Yes, of course, Kara.” 

Kara nods, keeping her eyes fixed in Lena's. Maura can see from here the uncertainty that Kara is feeling, that she's trying to calm looking for answers on Lena's face. 

“Good.” 

Lena smiles, leaning her head to the side. “I'll see you tonight then?”

“Sure.”

They hug another time while Maura goes back to the couch. Lena stands there, watching Kara walk away with a frown, and Maura watches her in turn. “So,” she starts, breaking Lena out of her revery. “Your best friend?”

Lena finally turns back to her, and takes her place on the couch; she crosses her legs this time, which allows Maura to come closer and press her knees against her thigh. “Yes, she’s wonderful.”

_Smitten._

“I bet. Despite the fact that she would have liked to throw me out.”

Lena’s head whips in her direction, she furrows her brows as Maura shrugs. “Pardon? No, she didn’t. Why would she-?”

“Because she’s jealous.”

Lena looks at her like she’s saying something out of this world, like she didn’t just live the exchange she witnessed, like Kara didn’t look totally out of place because someone else was getting Lena’s attention.

“Lena, haven’t you seen her facial muscles when she saw us? I guess you didn’t, you were too occupied watching her eyes.”

“You’re too analytical, Maura, I’ve always told you. And she’s straight,” she finishes with a sigh, focusing on the fidgeting hands in her lap. Maura means well, she knows, and she’s way too perceptive not to bring it up, but she doesn’t need her to build her hopes up over facial movements and microexpressions.

“Lena…” she calls softly, realizing just then that her friend has feelings for the reporter already. That she’s probably used that last line - _she’s straight_ \- so many times as the last straw to stop any rising hope.

She stops Lena’s hands with her own, and moves her head down to catch her eyes. “Lena, I don’t know her,” she tries cautiously when Lena meets her gaze. “But reading bodies to find clues is my job, and no matter what someone might think, bodies are reliable and steady. What I’m saying is, her body showed jealousy and uncomfort, and she might no be able to process what is behind those feelings.”

Lena nods at her, clenching her jaw in a way that has Maura desperate to make it stop. “And what am I showing?”

Maura leans back, withdraws her hand as Lena waits. “Sadness.”

“That’s accurate.”

She hums, watching her. “I can help,” she finds herself saying. “Cancel game night. Tell her you can’t make it because I’m taking you out to dinner.”

Her voice has somehow dropped on the last words, catching Lena’s attention fully: her eyes bore into hers with anew intensity, and she shifts the tiniest bit on the couch, knowing that Maura will see no matter how little movement she makes. And they know they’re an old story, and they know they both have other people on their minds, but it’s easy to fall into the habit when they’re actually available and under reach.

They’re used to longing for someone they can’t have. It feels like breathing again to desire someone they could.

“Tell her it’s going to be fancy,” Maura adds, leaning forward again into Lena’s space. “Tell her you’re nervous. Try on dresses and show her, ask for her opinion. Ask her if she prefers black or red on you.”

Maura’s eyes drop to her mouth on the last words, interested by the scarlet of her lips, and she’s close enough now that Lena could eye down her neckline if she let her eyes go there.

“And what do you prefer?” she asks instead, pushing herself off the back of the couch, forcing Maura to lean back in counterpart, her eyes blown by the sudden movement and back to hers.

“I like you shiny.”

* * *

She debates Maura's offer for almost an hour. She feels bad for breaking her promise to Kara, for leaving the group uneven, for missing game night. She should just decline, and ask Kara if Maura could join the group instead. It would be fun, and she's pretty sure they would love her.

But then, there's this intrusive thought in the back of her mind that makes her remember that dress she's never worn, tucked in the back of the closest. It's always been too much and she's never had the courage nor the occasion to wear it (she doesn't even know what came over her when she bought it). Would Kara be affected at all by it? A part of her is desperately curious to find out.

While Maura is at her convention, texting her, keeping that sparkle of courage alive, she goes home and looks for the dress. She texts Kara in the meantime: _I'm sorry, I can't make it tonight._ And right after: _Maura is taking me out to dinner._

Kara calls as she's rummaging around among her clothes, and she runs to the phone barefoot. She places it on the dresser right next the full-length mirror, makes it stand so that it's facing her and she can talk without keeping it in hand, and answers the video call. Kara is at the office (she recognizes the windows and her job clothes) but doesn't stifle the gasp of surprise when she notices that Lena, on the contrary, is already home.

“Don't mock me, Kara,” she laughs as she waves at the phone.

“I'm sorry, you're right. It's just... I've never seen you leave work early for a dinner.”

Lena hums, pursing her lips. “I'm nervous,” she says before going back to the closet. “I don't know what to wear.”

“I never thought I would hear you say that line.” Lena can basically hear the frown in her voice, it's clear that there's a question there that Kara is keeping to herself - _why would you be nervous to go out with a friend? What makes her special?_

“Can you help me choose?” she asks, going back into the frame with a couple of dresses in her arms.

“Sure, yeah. What are you going for?”

Lena meets her eyes through the screen, shifting her weight from one foot to another - she really is more nervous than necessary. What _is_ she going for? What is she doing to begin with? Maura asked her out and she said yes. She told her to basically tease Kara and she's going to. She pushed her and she let her.

She can pretend she doesn't know where this is all going, but the truth is she's completely aware of it, and it excites her, sets her nerves on fire. The thing with Kara is cautious, complicated, feels like tiptoeing on a floor covered in pieces of glass - while Maura…

Maura is just so gently direct. She wants and she asks and she gets. There are no feelings getting in the way, just pure interest. The easiest, quickest answer to the question. I want you, so I'm going to let you know.

“I want to impress her.”

Kara nods, contemplating the answer. “I'll keep writing my article as you change.”

She tries a dark blue dress first: it's nice, the lace of the sleeves looks good on her, it clings to her curves but doesn't make it difficult to move. “I like it,” Kara says. “Classy.”

Likesomething she could wear at the office. “I'm not sure about it.”

She tries the bordeaux one next. The wine color contrasts perfectly with the paleness of her skin, and it's tight, makes it impossible not to notice the sweet fullness of her hips. Her chest is squeezed into the bust, Kara loses her words over it, but Lena can't breathe.

“I feel like choking.”

She gets it off as quickly as she can, and the third option makes her pause in front of the bed. The last time she tried it, it boosted her confidence so much she purchased it, and then she proceeded to doubt herself every other time she had considered wearing it.

She exhales, and picks it up.

When it's on and she pads to the mirror, a rush of heat runs up her neck. The gold-colored material drapes over her curves without any sort of tightness, falls gently from her breasts to her stomach, over her sides. It rests to the middle of her thighs and she tries to pull it down further but it's no use. As soon she moves it rides up back to its place. A little chain around her neck keeps the top half up and, when she turns her bust, the white, completely bare expanse of her back presents itself proudly to her. She can also see a glimpse of her tattoo.

There's minimal fabric involved and she feels… electric. Ashamed for liking it so much.

“Lena, you-”

She looks over to the phone and zeros in Kara's heavy breathing: Kara is the one choking this time. She can't possibly-

“I look ridiculous, right?” she tries, focusing back on her image in the mirror. 

“That's really not the word I would use.”

There's this look on Kara's face that she doesn't really know how to define - it's dead serious, both focused and lost in thought, her eyes travel over her body multiple times. She's not blushing nor mumbling as Lena would expect, she only straightens her back in attention and drops her voice to a low rumble.

"You should wear it."

* * *

She keeps it on.

She nods at Kara, promises to make it up to her tomorrow and files away the blush appearing on Kara's cheeks for later.

When she hangs up, Maura is getting ready in the room across from hers and she can hear some words of the phone call she's on. She understands clearly the name _Jane_ multiple times and Lena does her make-up with the soft, distant buzz of her voice in the background, the noise a nice change from the usual silence of her house.

She debated the hairstyle to herself, gathering her hair up in her hands to see how a ponytail would look. It looks good on her, it's practical, but she feels just more naked. It would take the last barrier away from her, there would be no way to hide even partially the bareness of her back, of her shoulders.

She lets her arms fall to her sides with a sigh. Like this, nice waves run over her chest and slightly tickles her skin. There's not enough confidence in her to bear both the dress and the ponytail tonight. 

And besides, when Maura leans against the door and runs an appreciative look over her, meeting Lena's eyes through the mirror only at the end of her careful, slow analysis, she doesn't seem to mind her choice. Lena stays plastered there under her scrutiny, subconsciously trying to pull the dress down again, but takes those moments to look at Maura in return.

She's wearing her hair down as well, a sleeveless cream blouse tucked into a black skirt that doesn't quite reach her knees. Her legs are covered by black stockings, paired with the heels she was wearing earlier, and only when she leaves the doorstep and walks towards her Lena notices the slit in the skirt and the lace around her thigh. 

She's wearing thigh highs.

"I take it Kara likes you shiny as well" Maura says as she stops next to her and keeps looking through the mirror, her voice smoother than usual.

Lena wants to bring up Jane's name right there, just to shift the attention over something else, but then she feels the lightest touch on the small on her back, where the skin meets the fabric. She freezes right there, with Maura's eyes fixed on hers through the mirror as if her fingers weren't going lower, under the dress, surely feeling the goosebumps under her fingertips.

As if that didn't make Lena want to take that hand and use it to pin her against the wall like old times.

"I thought you wanted to get rid of this."

Only then Lena notices that those fingers are following a pattern and it's her tattoo. That big, obnoxious thing she got secretly when she was fifteen.

"I wanted to," she answers, but stops to clear her voice from the raspiness, her back arching under the constant touch. "But then I had other things on my mind, and it's in a place no one ever sees, me included, so it stayed. It feels meaningless to cancel it now."

"I like it," Maura clarifies. 

Despite the touch still trying to drive her insane, Lena chuckles at that. "I know. You never failed to remind me."

Maura doesn't match the lightness of her tone, and drives her back to seriousness sliding her hand up, following the line of the column with her fingers, gliding under her mass of hair. 

She stops when she's between her shoulder blades and takes a step towards her, plastering herself against her side. "After all the years I still have to find someone that fascinate me like you do, Lena."

Lena's eyes slip closed on their own accord at the praise, feeling it wash over her in a heartbeat. It's dangerous, maybe wrong on some level, but Lena likes it. All of it.

She wants it.

"Kara doesn't know what she's missing."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can this be any more self-indulgent? I don't think so.

They’re both very grateful for the table the restaurant kept for them. A private, intimate, corner booth that allows them to move the seats closer. Their legs inevitably bump into each other’s when they cross or uncross them but neither of them moves, they only acknowledge it with a glance.

Lena is leaning against the backrest of the seat, a glass of white wine in the hand, sipping it slowly as she watches Maura slide the oyster in her mouth with a sigh.

“It’s been long since I’ve had a dinner like this,” Maura clarifies looking over and seeing her smirk, almost to justify her reaction. “With Jane it’s always beer and burgers, and there’s no way to treat her to this.”

“She and Kara would go along wonderfully,” Lena laughs, placing her glass down as Maura wipes her mouth with the napkin.

"Yes, well, Jane has Italian origins. I won't put myself between her and her carbs," Maura concedes, taking a sip of wine herself.

Lena smiles. She wonders what it says about them that they're similar on many aspects and managed to fall for the same type of person. Not that Maura needs to say anything, to make it obvious that she's in love with Jane just as she is with Kara.

"You still can't lie?" 

Maura looks over at her at the question, tilting her head to the side. She seems surprised that she remembers. "I've learnt to under pressure, in life or death situations. But generally I still can't."

"Then tell me about Jane."

Maura sighs, looking down at the glass in her hand, twirling the liquid around. "What about her? She's my best friend."

"Are you in love with her?"

"Yes," she answers in a heartbeat. "I've been since I met her, I think. It was refreshing to find someone so different from me that still managed to like me. But, it's different now. We're basically family: you could say we live together, her mother acts like my mother-in-law, people treat us like a couple."

Maura shrugs, drowning the rest of the wine before putting the glass down for a refill. Lena intercepts the bottle before the server can come their way, and pours a generous amount for both of them.

"I have her in every sense beside intimidate. It feels like we're beyond it. So I _am_ in love with her, but what's missing - the kissing and the sex - is just a passing thought. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to cross the last lines, but the truth is I can live without it. Without having her in that sense. Without having her in any sense, I cannot."

Lena nods, understanding her perfectly. "Is she with anyone?"

"No, she isn't. She isn't looking and when someone shows interest in her, she doesn't like it. There's been only a guy, they've known each other since they were little, but as soon as they started dating she hated the domesticity. Which is curious, because she and I have always been domestic. She was relieved when he had to go away for work."

Lena hums. It sounds kind of familiar in a way. "Has she ever shown jealousy as Kara?"

"Yes," Maura replies, turning to look at her. "She never liked anyone I've been with. She's very protective."

_I'm sure of that_ , Lena thinks to herself. If what she's heard about Detective Rizzoli is anything to go by, she can't doubt the importance that Maura has for her. And the longing in Maura's eyes just makes it more obvious - that nothing could live up to their relationship, even if they were to stay only friends. It's different for her: she _wants_ Kara in every sense. Maybe she hasn't found the courage to ask yet, but she thinks about it with insistence. Of course she could live without it if that were Kara's wish - but she would need to know for sure before crossing it off completely.

Maybe it was a matter of time: if she waited, the desire could dissipate and her feeling grow similar to Maura's. For now, that wasn't the case.

"We should be talking about something else, this is depressing."

Maura laughs, taking her napkin off her thighs and dropping it on the table. "You're right, this was about you and Kara," she says as she shifts closer. "You should call her. To keep the plan going."

Just like that she's back to stealing the air out of her lungs with her vicinity, with the glint of malice blooming back into her eyes. She crosses her legs when she's settled right next to her, and Lena can't help but follow the way her skirt rises along her clothed legs. Maura lets her watch and in the meantime she leans forward to grab Lena's phone on the table. She hands it to her, encouraging her silently with her eyes, and Lena takes it.

Only when the call has already started Maura places a gentle hand on Lena's knee, answering her questioning look with a simple nod.

"Hey, Lena!" Kara's voice comes clear through the phone just some moments later. "Is everything alright?"

The worry coloring her words makes Lena forget about Maura for a moment: she doesn't feel her hand anymore, the pattern her fingers have started tracing on her leg, and she focuses on the so very familiar voice filling her ears.

"Yes, Kara, everything is good. I just called to know how game night's going."

"Boring, without you."

She laughs softly at the pout she hears, and pretends not to see the way Maura is taking notice of everything. "Everyone else is there, I'm sure that's not true."

"I know, but still, it's not the same without you."

Lena can't help but smile at the sincerity. Kara is always so eager to let her know she misses her, it warms her heart in a very special way.

"Anyway, how is _your_ night going?"

That’s enough to bring her back to where she is: in the middle of a date (that much is pretty clear), interrupting it to talk to her best friend. But on the other side, said best friend was the reason she's here in the first place. She's the excuse to, at least.

"It's good," she says, finally raising her eyes to meet Maura's. "I didn't realize how much I missed Maura until she showed up."

She's intrigued, surprised by her admission, if the faltering in her strokes is a sign to go by. She blinks at her, and Lena raises an eyebrow as to ask what has gotten her so taken aback.

"You two seem pretty close," Kara tries, halfway between an observation and a question.

"We were in boarding school," Lena confirms, taking Maura's hand, freezed on her knee, and moving it up her thigh. Maura eyes fall down to follow the movement and when Lena lets her hand go, leaving her there, her breath hitches in her throat. "We still are."

There's a question in the look Maura gives her, but her eyes are already half lidded, and Lena uncrosses her legs to prove her point further. Kara stutters in her ear, unsure of what to say, while Maura finally makes up her mind and slides her hand to the inside of her thigh and up, slowly, stroking the soft, warm skin and scraping gently with her nails occasionally.

She feels set aflame. There's a hint of shame in talking to her shy, present crush about her blunt, past lover who almost has her hand between her legs in a crowded restaurant. _It's wrong, it's dangerous_ , she tries to reason with herself. But Maura leans into her space fully, nuzzing her cheek with her nose, filling her senses with her perfume, and she has to physically restrain herself from kissing her on the mouth right there.

"Brunch tomorrow at 10 to make it up to you?" Lena asks, her voice incredibly stable.

"Of course! I'll text you," Kara replies, back into a conversation she feels comfortable in. "Bye, Lena, have a good night."

_You, too_ , she manages to say before the call ends and Maura grazes the apex of her thigh. She basically throws the phone on the table, the sound would make her flinch if her senses weren't so overwhelmed by the woman kissing her jaw. There's a hint of tongue as she continues down, along the tendons of her neck, and she tilts her head up to give her more access. She pleads her, her voice low against her ear, and sighs as Maura's hand finally moves.

The warm, exploring kisses on her neck immediately stop when Maura's fingertips only meet naked skin. She slips at the sudden slickness she's met with, at the hair grazing her skin, and she leans back to look at Lena in the eyes.

"You're not wearing underwear."

"It would have shown with this dress," she justifies herself, shifting in her seat, closing her legs enough to keep Maura's hand there. "Are you?"

She nods, her pupils blown, and Lena decides to pat her hand away and fix it right there. She's the one in her space now, bracketing her hips with a hand on each side. Her forearms press into her thighs and she leans forward until their noses are just barely not touching, eyes focused on hers even though Maura is looking at her mouth.

"Can I?" she whispers as her thumbs press into the soft flesh on either side, moving them up and down a couple of times over the fabric of the skirt. "To be even."

She doesn't even know what she's doing when she thinks about it, but Maura nods automatically, her gaze still focused on her lips. Lena doesn't move despite the consent and a few beats pass before Maura raises her eyes back to hers in silent question.

"Do you need me to beg you?" she asks bluntly. "Or have you grown shy?"

She has her hands under her skirt in a heartbeat, sliding over the warm, silky skin at the top of her legs and she tugs as soon as she finds the lace fabric. Maura complies, face half hidden against her collarbones, she pushes herself up to let Lena slide the garment down her legs. And when she leans down to pick it up her golden dress hangs loose, showing even more skin than before - so much that Maura loses track of her surroundings over the mole on Lena’s breast. She watches as Lena casually puts her underwear in her purse as if it was routine, and when she directly looks at her in the eyes, she shifts in her seat, very much feeling the nakedness of her hips.

“Let’s order dessert.”

* * *

The first kiss they share in over ten years takes place in the back of Lena’s Rolls Royce. 

It’s languid, toe-curling, somehow familiar.

The first time she feels Lena come around her fingers in over ten years it’s still in the back of Lena’s Rolls Royce. She arches against the seat and into her, displaying her neck to her as Maura fucks her under fluorescent neon lights.

“Say her name as you come,” she demands, stern and devastating, and Lena can’t for the life of hers do anything but comply. She calls Kara’s name the way she’s done a multitude of times against her pillow, but tonight she muffles it against Maura’s collarbones and then sinks her teeth there as to prove a point.

“Good girl,” Maura comments, and the praise zips through her and make her clench another time around her fingers.

When Lena returns the orgasm for the first time in over ten years, it's on her comfort of her own bed. Maura spread out on her back, her legs bent at the knees, kept in the air by Lena's unrelenting grip on the back of her thighs, her mouth and chin wet as she eats her out. 

Maura's legs clamp around her when she comes, the muscles clenching against her cheeks, but her mouth keeps working until she's shaking, the hand in her hair both pulling and pushing. And when she finally comes up, Maura diligently licks her own cum off her face, making her taste when they kiss.

"Again, your Kara really doesn't know what she's missing," she says, running her tongue over her own lips as if she was savouring French wine. She circles her waist with an arm and flips them, earning a surprised gasp from Lena, who looks at her from below with her chest heaving and cheeks flushed.

Maura straddles her, her weight pinning her down but making her hips desperate to move under her; her hands itch to squeeze the soft flesh of her thighs, to encourage her up her body and over her face, but Maura's gaze is getting lost roaming over her, in her analytical awed way.

Her fingers trace the path that her eyes are following and run over her neck, down between her breastbone and then up again directly over her breasts - Lena shudders, but doesn't say anything.

"If I could just tell her about you…"

Her voice is raspy, coming from someplace deep in her that she seems to reach only in this sort of occasions. Not just when she's having sex, but when the experience altogether stirs up a desperate longing - an epiphany: she's found beauty and cracked the mystery of the world.

"About what it is like to experience you like this. How can she not want to know you like this?"

Her hand continues down to her stomach and Lena twitches. "Stop talking about her."

But Maura seems determined not to, and she raises herself up enough to slide her hand down further.

"How can she not want to know what you feel like under her, writhing-"

"Maura," she warns again, opening her legs for her as much as the position allows.

"Are you not thinking about her here, doing this to you?"

How could she focus on anything but the hand between her legs, or the thoughtful, very naked woman straddling her, is a mystery to her. 

Lena reaches for the wrist nestled in between them and pulls, until Maura's fingers are forced out of her and slide over her clit as they go. "No, I'm not," Lena only says, right before taking those same fingers in her mouth.

She sucks noisily, drawing her own juice down her throat, making Maura's hips start to trust against her belly in counterpart. The nude haze of desire in her eyes makes Lena manage a smile, and the chilly wetness she's leaving on her stomach makes her desperate. She doesn't even know what her body is asking for, it's buzzing with repressed energy, wanting to be numbed.

She parts her lips, easing the seal around her fingers and tilting her head to slide them out.

"I need to come again."

Maura indulges her. Multiple times, until her legs are sore and a dumb little smile is on her lips. Maura lies on her side, tracing patterns on her stomach, matching that smile.

"I take it I haven't lost my touch," she murmurs, and Lena laughs out loud, the muscles of her belly contracting under her hand.

"God, no. It's improved, if anything."

Maura hums, contemplating her, and Lena feels in that throaty sound that she's keeping something to herself. She turns her head, questioning her with her eyes, watching her as she bites her lower lip. It's uncharacteristic - Maura used to get mad when Lena did it herself - so it gives her away immediately.

"What do you need?"

Maura shakes her head. "You're tired, it's fine."

"Pardon? Who do you think I am?" 

She turns to the side fully, Maura's hand falling from her stomach to the mattress, and Lena feels the tiredness leave its place to eagerness. "You think I'm going to let you out of this bed with itches to scratch? You should know that's not who I am, negating my help when I can do something about it."

Maura nods, breathing. "I don't know if you… have it."

Lena blinks. "Try me."

"A strap-on." 

Lena fixes her with her eyes for a long moment, and Maura thinks she’s going to question the request, so new and unexpected. But then Lena hurries down the bed in all her nakedness, and Maura watches, reclined on her forearms, admiring the soft curves she just placed her mouth on. 

Lena's totally different from Jane. Jane is lean, bony, all edges. Lena, on the contrary, is cushiony flesh and gentle curves. And when she comes back, busy tightening the leather straps around her hips and thighs, instead of finding the view strange, Maura's finds it incredibly arousing and she has to will herself to stay put.

There's just something about seeing her at the edge of the bed, naked, with this added appendix solely to meet her request - one that almost came out of nowhere but feels like it's been brewing inside forever. Her eyes stay trained of Lena's movement until she seems satisfied, and then they land on hers. 

"I… don't think I've ever worn it before," Lena admits quietly, looking down at herself.

"Is it uncomfortable? You don't have to-"

"No," Lena replies immediately, raising her eyes to hers and getting on the mattress, standing on her knees, back straight, not trying to cover herself in any way. "It's just new. Scary, maybe, for what it would mean if I liked it too much."

"You get to enjoy things just because, Lena. No grand meaning."

Maura says it as she gets up to meet her in the middle of the bed, staying focused on her face only; she places her hands on Lena's hips, feeling the leather under her palms, and presses close until the toy is nested between their stomachs, all silicone firm and cold. 

"You look so good like this," she whispers a breath away from her mouth, her hips rolling against the toy. "I want to know what pace you will set for me, how shallow or how deep your thrusts will be."

Lena swallows at the words and Maura notices because her throat is just _right there_. So she goes on. "I want us like this, pressed together, nothing getting in the way of feeling you as you make me come. I just can't get enough, Lena."

_Of you_ goes without saying.

She loses complete track of time then. She just knows Lena tries it all - the fast, the languid, the deep-but-slow - and Maura still keeps asking for more, so she goes again. Lena draws the orgasms out of her quicker and quicker the more comfortable she grows with wearing the toy, and Maura has only the mental capacity to marvel at how good she is. 

She knows Lena is starting to loosen up when she first suggests a position under her breath, and Maura nearly comes right then when she stops asking and just flips her on the stomach taking her by the hips. She likes everything, but most of all Lena's strained moans mixing up with hers, the knowledge that she’s enjoying herself just as much.

They stop only when the exhaustion kicks in and their bodies are tingling, spent.

And still, Maura can't say to be totally sated.

* * *

Maura really, really tries to stay put. To let Lena sleep, to let her rest. She looks peaceful, and the night was tiring, and Maura's own joints are still sore, not used to the prolonged, intense session of sex.

When she wakes up and sees Lena on her stomach sleeping next to her, she tells herself she's happy watching. She's content enough tracking her deep breathing, taking notice of the dimmed morning light making their skin glow gold.

She succeeds - for a bit. Until she moves, and the friction between her legs reminds her she's still sensitive, still slick, and her mind goes automatically to the silicone toy on the floor next to the bed.

She has memory of waking up next to Lena - even though their single beds weren't too comfortable for two people - but they were never naked, never completely alone or sure of their privacy. 

This time, however, they have an entire apartment for themselves, no noise coming from outside, no girlish voices talking about tests, no rushed walking on the other side of the door. No class to attend, no work. Just Lena, Lena, Lena.

Maura closes her eyes as a familiar burn comes alive at the bottom of her belly. She tries to concentrate of her breathing, to slow it down to normal. For a moment she thinks she can take care of it alone.

But the truth is it's not about reaching an orgasm herself: it's about Lena. It's about her warm, silky skin under her lips, about her hips shifting at the littlest stimulus, about her pleading and her giving and her-

"Go on," a low rumble interrupts her stream of thought, making her head whip towards the sudden noise. Lena hasn't moved, nor even opened her eyes, but Maura knows she didn't imagine it. 

She's proven right when she sees Lena's lips moving again. "Do it, whatever it is you're thinking about."

Maura doesn't even ask how Lena knows. She just sighs in relief and slides down along the mattress, bringing the sheets with her and uncovering them fully. Lena must feel her presence hovering over her legs because one moment later she's bending her right one at the knee, creating space for her to rest in between, opening herself up to her in the meantime.

She eyes the glistening there as she lays down on her front, but once she's seated her eyes travel up over the gentle curve of her backside and along her tattoo. She moves without questioning her choice as she places her head down on Lena's firm cheek, resting there as if it was a pillow, her hands caressing the small of her back while she closes her eyes.

She feels the laugh shaking Lena's frame under her. "That's it?"

It's funny to her, too, but this mere touch is enough to satisfy her need. Her body relaxes at the skin on skin contact, at the warmth, at the softness. There's nothing else she needs.

"Yes," she answers dreamily. "I'm comfortable."

Lena hums, and falls asleep again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was literally the easiest sex scene I've ever written, I couldn't stop adding more...


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> English is not my first language, please excuse my mistakes.

In retrospect Kara can’t say to be totally surprised.

Knowing that Lena had a date last night (with a friend who most definitely wasn’t just a friend), aware of how nervous she was, and how long they hadn’t seen each other, Kara should have anticipated this. Maybe she even did, only in a part of her mind that she tried not to listen to all night long - the same part that maybe convinced her to show up at Lena’s door unannounced on a Sunday morning. _Just for brunch!_ she tried to reason, but it sounded poor to her own ears.

So when the door swings open and the person greeting is not Lena but Maura, in a pastel flower patterned kimono that doesn’t even reach her mid thigh, she can’t really say to be surprised. Yesterday she was so taken aback by her presence in Lena’s office she didn’t take the time to look at her. But now that she sees her clearly in the morning light, no traces of make-up on her skin and her nude, gentle face right in front of her, she admits that Maura is definitely beautiful.

Not like Lena - never like her - but she has a dimple on her left cheek, hazel eyes, a sweet smile.

“Kara,” she greets her, already stepping aside to let her enter, the fabric swooshing against her legs. “Come in.”

“No, I’m- I didn’t think you would be here, I should have called. I just wanted to see-”

“Lena, yes,” she finishes for her, motioning her inside another time. Kara, this time, follows. “She’s in the shower, but she usually doesn’t take long, as I’m sure you know.”

She does know. What she wonders is, how does _she_ know? Is it just the way she was when she was a teenager, so Maura is presuming Lena hasn’t changed? Why is Maura here anyway?

But Kara feels some sort of respect of her, so she keeps to herself the questions.

“We said to have brunch together this morning, but didn’t agree where to meet, and since I was around I figured I’d just drop by,” she explains, fidgeting with the strap of her purse. “I’m sorry I keep walking in on you.”

“Interesting phrasing,” Maura observes, smiling as she goes to the kitchen. “Considering you didn’t walk in on anything. Both this time and yesterday.”

“No, but it feels like I did.”

Maura has her back to her, and doesn’t turn but makes a throaty sound of acknowledgement, one that Kara wants the clarification of. _Am I right? Am I wrong?_ She just sits on one kitchen stool, dropping the purse at her feet while Maura works the buttons of the coffee machine.

“Is there something you want to ask me?” Maura asks, direct but gentle, turning to her and leaning back against the counter. For the first time Kara notices the freckles on her chest. Not that she’s _looking_ , they’re just visible in this light. “I’m not able to lie without fainting, so be careful what you ask.”

 _Interesting_. That’s certainly something Lena needs in her life - honesty. And it’s not like Kara doesn’t have questions - actually, she’s overflowing with them, coming from everywhere twice the usual pace - but they’re not for Maura to answer. They could be, but it sits wrong with her to discuss them not with Lena, her best friend, but with the stranger in the relationship.

“No offense but I’d prefer to ask Lena.”

“What is it that you would prefer to ask me, Kara?”

And just like that Lena walks in kitchen barefoot, with her hair still wet from the shower and blacker than ever and her skin flushed all over from the hot water, looking like a vision directly from Eden. Her face is blissed, relaxed in an uncharacteristic way. She has a black robe on, one that she certainly has never worn in her presence, and Kara’s mind takes a couple of seconds to process everything before propelling her to greet her. 

Lena does it for her: she walks up to her without waiting for an answer and hugs her, Kara’s body halfway twisted to reciprocate, and the strong smell of her body soap washes over her.

“Hi,” Lena whispers before leaving a brief kiss on her cheek. “I’m sorry about brunch, I woke up late and only saw your texts now. But we can still go, I just need a few minutes to get ready.”

Lena still has her hands on Kara’s shoulders and despite how much she really wants to have brunch with her only, she doesn’t have in her to accept. It would force her to blow dry her hair, and apply makeup, and choose an outfit, and Lena looks too happy like this for her to make her go through it.

“No, it’s fine, we don’t have to go. I just really missed you last night and I was looking for an excuse to see you.”

“Sweet,” Maura comments, making both of them turn to her. She’s cradling a cup of coffee now, and Kara is willing to admit she momentarily forgot she was there. "I'll leave you two to it and I'll go work a bit."

Kara almost tells her that no, she doesn't need to leave, and almost reminds her that it's Sunday and she shouldn't work, but instead she just watches her vanish behind one for the doors in the hallway with her coffee mug. And when Lena takes Maura's place against the counter, watching her go over her shoulder as she fetches a cup herself, Kara can't keep from asking. 

"Is she… staying here?"

Lena has a look in her eyes, a mixture of melancholy and longing, that uneases Kara. It's quite obvious that there's something there that she's not letting her on but fills the space in between them like yesterday.

"She is. There was no point in making her book a hotel room when I have all these guest rooms."

"Oh. When I saw her here I thought…" she lets the phrase like that, hoping that Lena will understand and not make her say, but she just raises an eyebrow in question. "You two had a date last night. It would have been the normal ending of it, I suppose?"

Lena blinks, taken aback. For a moment she's so still Kara wonders if she's alright - until Lena snaps out of it and turns to her coffee machine, busying her hands. Kara really, really wants an answer. A _yes, we fucked_. A _no, but I wanted it to happen_. She could take it, she thinks. But Lena doesn't say anything and _that_ is difficult to process. Why is Lena so secretive about Maura, why isn't she being honest with her?

It hurts in a quite particular way she can't describe. So the words flowing through her mind suddenly rush out of her mouth.

"If you prefer to spend time with her, I understand. I mean, you said it's been long and you missed her, so I can go. I… I looked her up on the internet. Apparently you two share so many things… surely she can take you to the fine places and doesn't get excited over potstickers. I can't give you what she can, I understand."

" _What?_ " Lena finally utters in disbelief, turning back towards her and forgetting about the coffee.

"It's fine, Lena, I get it. I've seen her. She's beautiful, a certified genius like you. Plus she's gracious, put together - things I've literally never been. I'd choose her over me anytime, too!"

"Stop it, Kara, that's not-"

"You don't have to pretend, Lena. It's pretty clear that you don't want to be honest with me about her. But you don't need to worry, I'll stay away, I promise." 

Kara doesn't know why she can't stop talking despite the burn of her throat and the break down just a few moments away - she just keeps going, briefly glancing at Lena only to move her gaze when she sees utter pity.

"Just… just tell me when- if you feel like seeing me again, okay? Or not, I don't know. Just, enjoy your time with her."

She retreating back towards the door and either Lena is too busy processing everything to stop her, or she doesn't want to, because she doesn't move or say anything to keep her here. 

"She seems great, I'm glad you have her," she murmurs a few feet away from the door. "I'll just go. Bye, Lena."

* * *

Lena ends up pouring scotch in her coffee mug. Maura doesn't stop her and just watches from the doorframe of her room. It was never supposed to go like this. They started with the aim of making Kara realize her feelings and, instead, it drove her away.

And Lena kept silent, didn't utter a single word while Kara retreated towards the door and away from her.

"What is wrong with me?" she asks herself under her breath before draining her cup in a single swallow.

She's about to pour more when Maura reaches her side and pries the bottle away from her hand. "Lena," she says softly, putting herself between her and the bottle on the counter. "You should go to her."

Lena crosses her arms in the small space between her body and Maura's and looks down. "I didn't know what to tell her and I still don't. Until I know what to say, there's no point."

"You have all kinds of things to say. Just start from one."

"Like the fact that we had sex last night and she knows?" she tries defensively, raising her eyes to hers. "What can I say? I had sex with Maura even though I'm in love with you? No, better yet: I had sex with Maura _because_ I'm in love with you."

Maura smiles, putting her hands on Lena's crossed arms. "If that's your truth."

"And how can she trust me? Even if she were to return my feelings she would never trust me not to do it again."

Maura tilts her head, furrowing her brows."But Lena," she says slowly. "You do realize you and Kara are not together and therefore what you do with your sexual life is your business only, right?"

She wished everyone's minds worked like Maura's. Pragmatically, practically. What she says is true on every aspect - that she doesn't own Kara an explanation and even less an apology, that Kara has no right to dictate who she can and who she can't sleep with - it's all true. But she feels guilty anyway. Because their relationship feels exclusive to her. Not in a mutually imposed way, but for their own volition. Like a silent agreement between them.

Even while she was with James they both knew he couldn't compare even closely to Kara and could never take her place.

But maybe to Kara it feels like Maura could. So the multiple times she went to bed with James matter little compared to this. It feels like they don't matter at all, Lena doesn't even remember them (while Maura, she remembers very well.)

"I'm sorry I dragged you into this mess, Maura," she sighs, raising her eyes to hers apologetically. Maura pouts for a moment before her lips morph into a soft smile. She takes a step forward then, and hugs her tightly not minding Lena's crossed arms in the way. She manages to untangle them and Maura immediately fills the space with her body.

A sigh of pleasure and relief escapes Lena's mouth without her consent at the feeling of Maura plastered to her front. 

"If I can't have my happy ending," Maura whispers softly in her ear, "at least I want to know you have yours."

Lena finally returns the embrace fully, letting the tension be melt by Maura's warmth. Right then it clicks that this hug could be the ending of their relationship as they've known it up to now, that their intimacy won't cease but there will probably not be another reconciliation like last night.

"We could have made it easier on ourselves by falling for each other," she whispers against her neck, feeling her front shake from Maura's light laugh.

"I know," she agrees. "I'll be here if something doesn't go well."

It calms her on some level - to know that even if Kara won't believe her or won't want her, she won't have lost Maura as well. At the last possible moment as she's retreating from the embrace she makes up her mind. She kisses Maura goodbye on the mouth.

* * *

Kara takes longer than usual to open her door. And when she finally does, Lena understands why without asking: the flush of her cheeks and the redness of her eyes are enough an explanation.

It hits Lena like a punch in the gut, that what she did hurt Kara even more than she had imagined. She doesn't know if Kara will want to listen to her or whether she will be able to explain properly or not, but they _do_ need to talk, because Kara suffering over her fling and herself trying to make her come around with jealousy - it's all a clear sign that something is wrong between them.

She's always thought her relationship with Kara was the healthiest she's ever been in, but this is clearly not healthy.

She lets her eyes roam over Kara's face, and Kara stands still for a few seconds, letting Lena watch. She breathes out then and wipes her cheeks with the back of her hands, stepping aside to let her in.

"I don't where this is coming from," Kara murmurs, her hands still trying to get rid of the traces of her crying. "I'm sorry, Lena."

Lena feels her heart melt at Kara’s teary confession, at how lost and desolated she sounds for not understanding. It’s a well-known feeling for her, one she’s experienced many years ago but still catches her off guard sometimes.

She drops both her purse and her keys on the floor and walks up to her, still at the door. She pulls Kara’s hands away from her face and replaces them with her own gentle strokes, their foreheads almost touching for comfort. 

“Let’s talk about it, okay?” Lena whispers softly, watching as Kara’s eyes slip closed. “I can start, if you want. Give you the explanation I walked around before.”

She doesn't really know how to untangle the mess she made, but Kara nods, and she finds she doesn't really care about anything else but her well-being. Lena moves her hands from Kara's cheeks to her shoulders, before caressing down her arms and finally taking her hands in hers.

She strokes the back of Kara's hands with her thumbs, listening to her still heavy breathing slowly calm down. She resists the urge to kiss her wet cheeks despite them being right there and the warmth of their close bodies clouding her mind. When Kara seems stable enough, Lena pulls her slightly by the hands, walking backwards towards the couch. 

Kara opens her eyes at the first tug and lets herself be pulled where Lena wants. Her green eyes are clear, but the expression is altogether worried and nervous. Her hands are sweating a bit around hers, and Kara wonders if she could hug her now - for her but for herself, too.

Lena flops down on the couch as soon as it is in reach, dragging her down with her, and Kara ends up incredibly close to her. One of Lena's hands slip away from hers and a moment later she hears more than see Lena's heels fall to the ground. Lena's eyes stay entranced in hers as she folds her legs, turning more towards her, and Kara can't help but think that yesterday there was Maura in her place, experiencing her this close, this in reach.

Lena gets herself comfortable, wiggling in her seat until she's satisfied, and then takes a deep breath, her hand joining the other over Kara's.

"You were right," she says. "I'm reluctant to talk about Maura." Kara sees it in the way her eyes fall to the space between them as soon as she utters her name. 

"We met in boarding school as I told you. We just… clicked. Intellectually, emotionally. She was so smart, incredibly kind, and also a sort of a mystery. I couldn't figure her out and she would always take me by surprise - which is not a thing many can do."

Kara smiles a bit at that, despite a general uneasiness filling her entire body that only grows at Lena's following words.

"I was bound to fall for her. And I did, and she did, too. We just… said it, and accepted it, and embraced it. She was the first girl I fell for. For a long time I thought she would be the only one."

Kara finds herself nodding when Lena glances up despite not knowing why she's doing it nor what she's nodding at. However it must reassure Lena on some level, because she takes it as a sign to go on.

"We lived our story in a bubble, away from parents we were both afraid to turn into, away from responsibilities. I still think of all those months as the happiest period of my life."

There's a reverence in the way Lena talks that Kara has never heard from her before. She briefly wonders if Lena would use it to talk about her as well, and finds herself not knowing if she wants an answer.

"When school was over, we knew we were, too. We never dared to dream of a lifetime together: outside of there we weren't a possibility. We mutually decided to cherish to ourselves what we had had, to hold it dear and see if we were to meet again. Yesterday we finally did."

A dreamy, relieved sigh escapes her lips, and Kara tears her eyes away from her face for a moment. She can feel what's about to come, she just knows it.

"We left our story unresolved all those years ago." Lena stops there to search her eyes. "It was bound to happen. I wanted it to."

It feels like she just shot an arrow right to her heart. Her fingers twitch under Lena's with the need to get away from her hold. Lena must feel it, because she looks down at their hands for a moment before withdrawing hers. And Kara would like to reassure her that she's not distancing herself from her, but she's not sure that's true.

"I can't be sorry for it because I don't regret it," she adds, softly but surely. "You just… I don't think you know how liberating it is. To find the desire you feel matched on the other side after being used to stifle it and keep it to yourself."

Kara hears loud and clear that the message is for her. That she's talking about them. And something stings inside of her at that, as if a part of herself is cheering, finally acknowledged after trying to get her attention in vain.

"So," she tries, stopping to clear her voice. "So you're back together?"

"No, Kara," she sighs out of tiredness, and for a moment it seems like she's about to add something else, but changes her mind. "Your turn."

Kara searches her eyes, biting the inside of her cheek. She should start from facts like Lena did, possibly chronologically, but the problem is… there are no facts. It's all in her head. "When I was in your office… I saw right away that she was special to you," she tries. "It made me feel… uneasy."

A part of her hates itself for what she's saying: it easily sounds like she doesn't want Lena to have other friends. It's not that, and she knows it, but that means it's _something else._ Maybe that's even scarier.

"And thinking about you with her, it -" Lena watches her with a blank expression, keeping her hands in her lap, twirling her ring around. 

"Say it," Lena encourages her quietly when she doesn't go on.

"It stings," Kara admits in a rush, her voice raising a bit. Lena blinks, and Kara finds herself having more to say. "I can't stop thinking about it. I can't stop… picturing you with her, in - " She stutters, the words getting stuck in her throat. "In bed," she whispers finally.

Lena gapes at her confession, her back going rigid, and Kara can only watch her for a few seconds before her head tilts down and her hair covers her face from her. They’re both quiet for long seconds, and Kara wouldn’t blame her if she heard her get up and out of her apartment without a word. It doesn’t happen, and Lena soon enough is speaking again.

"What is it that bothers you about that thought, Kara?"

She basically turns the knife in the wound, trying to propel more from her when Kara would like to take it all back. She feels ashamed, and Lena seems to want her to think about it more.

"What is it-?!" she hisses under her breath at the inquisition. "Maybe the fact that I'm your friend and I should be listening to you vent about your date, cheering for your happiness, and instead I'm here telling you I've spent hours being miserable because Maura knows what it's like to be with you and I don't."

As soon as the words leave her mouth she gasps, covering her face with her hands, feeling new tears fall down her cheeks. _I'm horrible, I'm horrible_ , it's the only thing flashing through her mind as she cries.

"I've lost you, haven't I?"

"Kara, hey, Kara," she hears Lena call softly, sweetly, feeling her come closer, and she thinks she doesn't deserve any of it. She folds in herself further, hoping that Lena won't come any closer. She must see it, because she halts to a stop. "I won't touch you, okay? But tell me you're listening."

Kara nods despite herself, despite the fact that she's not sure she is really listening.

"It's okay that you feel like that. It doesn't make you a bad friend, and I'm here," she reassures softly, and Kars would really, really like to believe her, but it's impossible. "Admitting it to yourself is a big step. I'm proud of you, Kara."

"Admitting what, Lena?!" she snaps, whipping her head up. "That I'm a menace to your happiness? That you're losing time being here with me while I cry like a child for something that doesn't even concerns me? Yeah, I'm really proud of that."

There's clear self deprecation in her tone, and Lena clenches her jaw, looking sideways and almost on the verge of tears. Kara is hating herself for what she feels and she can't find the words to console her somehow, despite having been in her place before.

"Is it the first time you feel like this, towards me?" she asks slowly, turning back to her, keeping her voice as calm as she can manage. Kara's blue eyes shift from side to side studying hers. Lena sees the way she's biting her cheek and she wants to take her hands in her, stroke her thumbs on her knuckles, but she promised not to touch her.

"Maybe not the first time I _feel_ it. But the first time I acknowledge it, you know? Like, when I said I don't know where it's coming from… it still has to come from somewhere."

Lena nods, her heart still thundering in her chest. She likes the honesty, how hard Kara is trying for her, how she's forcing herself open in front of her. She wants to do the same, pour herself out, too.

"I don't remember when I first felt it for you," she replies, and she sees clear interest in Kara's eyes. "I just know that once I saw it for what it was I couldn't go back. It was blinding, how much more powerful the feeling became just by giving it a different name, by recognizing it, putting it in its place."

She doesn't use the name she gave it, but it doesn't seem necessary. She adds that, as it grew stronger, it became increasingly more heavy to carry by herself, and so many times she's been on the verge of telling her to get rid of the burden. Kara takes it all in, letting her know she's listening by humming from time to time.

And when the words are over on her part, Kara fills the silence for her.

"I want to go forward, Lena," she says. "But it's a bit overwhelming right now. All these things I've never thought about before, what you said, what I've felt seeing you and Maura…"

"You can have all the time you need," she reassures her immediately. It's a wise request: she has had months, even years, to confront her feelings for Kara, and she deserves the same.

"But I don't want anything to change as I work on it. I don't want to grow distant, I don't want any weirdness between us."

"There won't be."

She finally reaches for Kara's hands, and Kara meets her halfway. For the first time since she got here, she sees Kara smile, looking down at their hands and then back up at her. Lena matches the smile on instinct, watching her play with her rings.

"When is Maura leaving?" Kara asks softly, moving her fingers as she pleases.

"Tonight," Lena replies with a slight question in her tone.

"I want to see her, if that's okay?" Lena nods immediately, even though her mind is racing, busy trying to find the reason behind the request. "And you're one hundred percent sure you don't feel anything for her, and her for you?"

It's fair that she's asking. "No. We're both in love with our best friends."

There, she said the word. And it makes Kara laugh. She thinks they'll make it out just fine.

* * *

She still doesn't ask Kara why she wants to see Maura. They just go back to her apartment together after lunch, and Maura is on a Skype call with a loud woman, talking about lab results. They wave at Maura from the threshold of her bedroom door, and the brief surprise on her face melts in favor of a gentle smile.

As they get settled on the couch, Maura varies topics between household chores and work, and Lena doesn't have one doubt that the brunette she saw on the computer screen is Jane. Another voice rings through the apartment, cheerful and even louder, and she and Kara exchange a look of disbelief before laughing quietly.

Maura laughs as well.

"Angela, hi! How are you, is it all going well?"

"Of course, Maura, I have all under control. Only thing is," the new voice stresses. "Jane here is even more grumpy than usual-"

"Hey, ma!"

"Because she misses you," she adds quickly, and a series of noises and shouts follow, all mixed together in a way that makes Maura laugh again.

"It's okay, Jane," she reassures sweetly once the noise fades. It's so soft Lena barely picks it up. "I miss you, too."

A fond feeling tugs at Lena's chest, and she leans her head to the side catching Kara's gaze. She's smiling as well.

"I'll be home tomorrow morning."

She wonders if they - her and Kara - sound like this to other people. It's just so utterly loving and sacred - the way Maura talks to her Jane - like she was a miracle. Maura's voice giving Jane time of landing and other details becomes a background noise while she and Kara exchange a look, lasting and full of wonder and questions.

She clears throat to break the tension. "When Maura saw us together in my office yesterday she said she knew right away we had feelings for each other." So much for easing the tension. "I guess I can't blame her, if we sounded like that."

Kara chuckles and then nods.

"Sunday's lunch is not the same without you, anyway," they hear Jane say. 

Kara's eyes widen. "That's….what I told you last night about game night."

When the call disconnects and Maura comes out of her bedroom - a pair of blue pants and a white blouse to substitute the kimono - she finds Kara and Lena side by side on the couch, plastered together, Lena's head leaned over Kara's shoulder while their hands play with each other's fingers. Her heart warms at the view, a bit out of joy for Lena, a bit because she imagines herself and Jane in their position.

Their eyes shoot up to her when she goes nearer, and they immediately start to shift. 

"No, don't move for me, please," she reassures them as she sits on the armchair opposite the couch. They smile and relax back into each other.

They watch each other in turn, staying silent for long moments, but it's not uncomfortable. It must be weird on some level - the three of them sitting together as if they were long time friends. She doesn't even know how to define any of the relationships between them.

Her and Lena.

Lena and Kara.

Kara and her.

"I must say I'm surprised to see you here, Kara," she finally says. "I hope you don't mind my curiosity."

Kara glances at Lena on her side and then shrugs, but waits for Lena to tell her to go on before speaking. "I just thought it was a shame not to get to know you."

She can't help the surprise showing on her face, and from Lena's reaction she can see she's in the same situation.

"I just mean," Kara rushes to add at their expressions. "I'm sorry for yesterday. And today. I acted closed off and wary, and you didn't deserve it because it's clear that you're great and because Lena loves you. I would honestly like to get to know you more. Plus, I want to know stories about this one here," she finishes with a grin, pointing at Lena with her thumb.

"Oh, I have so many. I'm not sure you're ready for them," Maura laughs, and Lena is already hiding her face in her hands, making Kara laugh, too. 

"I knew this would have ended badly," Lena mutters.

They spend the last remaining hours of Maura's stay reminiscing stories. At some point Maura joins them on the couch and Lena finds herself in between the two blonde women, their hands patting on her thighs sympathetically every time a sense of embarrassment threatens to take over her.

Sometimes she tunes out and just watches them in turn. They hit it off and progressively grow comfortable in each other's presence. They start to lean closer as they talk, effectively coming closer to her, too, but it doesn't bother her. It's not oppressing and she's too happy, she just relaxes at their warmth of her sides. 

The afternoon flies by, and in what seems like a heartbeat Maura has to leave.

They escort her to Lena's jet together, and Maura hugs them both in front of the stairs. 

"I would love for you two to come to Boston sometime," Maura says when she and Lena part. "I want to introduce you Jane. We could go on a double date."

"For that to happen you have to actually talk to Jane," Lena smiles softly, but Maura stays serious, watching them in turn.

"I think I will, Lena. I know what I said yesterday, but seeing you two together… I'm tired of missing something I could actually have."

Kara and Lena glance at each other and then turn to her, nodding in encouragement. Maura sees Kara's and Lena's hands graze on their sides and then finally link as she goes up the stairs but doesn't comment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! I could not honestly imagine a world where Kara and Maura are enemies/don't like each other. I couldn't write it and I didn't want to.
> 
> It's difficult to let this ff go: I kept adding scenes and my mind is still shouting at me to write more about the three of them.  
> I think I might:  
> a) add a (smut) variation/addition to this third chapter... ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°);  
> b) add another chapter where they go to Boston.  
> Would you be interested in it?


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I wanted to say thank you for the unexpected positive response to this fic - second of all, I'm back with (probably) three more chapters, two of which I'm still writing, so... I don't know how it's gonna end (again).
> 
> English is not my first language. Please forgive my mistakes.

Things don’t change between her and Kara. Not for a couple of months.

Lena doesn’t bring it up and Kara doesn’t either. Their routines stay the same - lunch meetings, game nights, movie nights, impromptu visits. At least, Lena thinks, she hasn’t lost her or driven her away, and maybe that’s all she could hope for. Sometimes she catches Kara watching her, _contemplating_ her, lost in her thoughts, but that’s not completely new so she doesn’t take it into consideration.

But sometimes, during movie nights, Kara reaches for her hand under the covers, and answers with a smile and a shrug at Lena’s questioning eyes. They’re used to cuddling already, but something about that specific gesture always manages to turn her stomach upside down.

Kara doesn’t let go of her until the movie is over and Lena is walking out of the door, their hands lingering in the hold until they really have to let go.

Still, Kara doesn’t say anything, and Lena wonders if she will ever say anything about it in case Kara doesn’t. She confessed her feelings once, and she doesn’t know if she has the capacity to do it all over again.

But one night, out of the blue, Kara pauses the movie in the middle of a scene and turns her whole body towards her and Lena _knows_ that’s it. Kara fidgets with her hands, with her glasses, and Lena just mimics her posture and waits in silence, letting her set the pace.

The nervous energy coming off Kara unsettles her, but it doesn’t show - it never does - because she relaxes her face into a neutral expression and waits patiently.

“Do you still feel the same about me?” is what Kara asks, looking down at her lap, and it surprises her, because she thought she had made herself clear, both in words and acting: she could literally feel it radiate off her, how much she loved her and hanged from her lips.

“Of course I do, Kara. Why wouldn’t I?”

“It’s just,” she explains, briefly meeting her eyes before dropping them again. “It’s been months… I’ve been keeping you waiting without a word for all this time.”

“I told you, Kara, you could have all the time you needed,” she tries to comfort, softly, leaning towards her to get her attention. Only when Kara locks eyes with her she continues. “And if this time has served you to understand that you don’t feel the same, it’s totally okay.”

Kara nods at her, and Lena expects the discussion to end on this. She cares about Kara, about their friendship, too much to even be sad about it. She’s halfway turned towards the tv again when Kara speaks again.

“I think I knew the answer that day already,” she says. “No, I knew it for sure.”

Lena nods, head bent down, her hair covering her face. She almost tells her to just drop it, that she doesn’t need to explain any further, to let her down easy because it’s already eating her alive.

“It was just too strong to bear so quickly, but I knew," she continues, her voice clearer. "I'm tired of wrecking my brain about it when in reality it's so easy. When you laughed, before, you know? At that scene? So loud you got embarrassed? It hit me, how much I wanted to kiss you."

The admission runs like a shockwave through her veins, and she raises her head and finds her eyes. She has a small, nervous smile on her lips, her eyes are gleaming, hopeful, and the picture altogether is so soft, almost childish, that Lena finds herself puff out a small laugh that rids her of all her tension. 

"This laugh is different but it makes me feel in the same way," Kara whispers, awed, almost to herself.

Lena shakes her head, smiling. "You like seeing me laugh?"

"I like seeing you happy," Kara admits without even thinking about it. She has her hands on her ankles, clenching around them, and Lena wants to ease the hold and have her hands in hers instead, but she has a question she needs to asks before anything else.

"You're not doing this for me, right?"

It's something she's been struggling with since she confessed her feelings: Kara is the most selfless person she knows, and when Lena dared to dream of a reality where she wanted a relationship with her in return, she couldn't erase the doubt that maybe Kara did it for her. To meet her need, to make her happy, without actually returning the feeling.

And Kara's answer right then - _I like seeing you happy_ \- brought the fear back on surface. It makes her sick to think that Kara could feel obliged towards her in that sense.

"Because, Kara, you know that you don't need to be with me in a romantic way to have me. I would never-"

"No," she intercepts, shaking her head multiple times. "No, I know. This is not out of guilt." Right, good phrasing. She's a writer after all. "Nor out of fear of losing you."

Kara takes her hands in hers and brings them between her crossed legs, forcing her closer to her. Their gaze lock for long moments, and Kara wets her dry lips with her tongue while Lena waits. The warmth seeping through her palms is well-known: usually it's calming, but now it's almost too much.

"I want all in, Lena," she admits finally, finding her words. "I want it all with you."

Well, if she's been breathing all this time, she certainly isn't now.

"I mean it. Even what you think I don't want, I want. You were right, it's overpowering, but it's exhilarating. I can't wait to live it with you."

Kara is grinning big, she's basically vibrating in front of her, and Lena's is pretty sure she has tears in her eyes when she extricates her hands, takes her face in her palms and brings her to her. Their foreheads touch, and they wait for a moment before Lena encourages her.

"You can kiss me, Kara," she whispers basically against her lips. "Please."

The kiss, so long awaited, doesn't feel satisfying at all. It's good, deep, Kara pours herself in it and melts on her tongue, but then Kara pulls her to her chest, her hands on her her back, and their desire seems to grow ten times stronger. 

Her breathing pattern is strained and her blood pressure seems to have skyrocketed, but there's an underlying feeling of contentment and relief, and it's what she focuses on while she slows the kiss down to a lazy opening and closing of their mouths.

Lena's basically laying on her when Kara's hands sneak under her t-shirt, exploring, reverent. It's enough to make her body arch against Kara's, her two legs bracing one of Kara's thighs.

And the pressure, the warmth, drives Kara desperate again, her movements starting to turn feverish. She gets it, she recognizes the need, but if Kara is not lucid...

When Lena pulls back - after gathering the entirety of her self-discipline - and tells her they don't have to do anything more, Kara's hands drop to her own sides, frozen there like restrained, and she looks at her with big, dark eyes in the low light that the tv screen provides.

"I don't want to wait anymore," she says under her. Simple, effective. "I need… please."

Kara doesn't seem to have the words, but Lena understands. She nods, and leans back down, Kara's hands going back to her hips immediately. She's a bit calmer now, and as they undress and discover each other's bodies the energy melts in something mellow, warm. 

They move to the bed, and after Lena comes for the first time under Kara's mouth, Kara comes up from between her legs and lays her head on her stomach. Lena has only the energy to stroke her hair and scratch gently her nape. 

Kara nuzzles her face against her belly, crying silently in relief.

* * *

A couple of months pass before Maura invites them to Boston for her birthday. When Lena mentions the invite that night - her front plastered to Kara's back, her arms around her while Kara cooks - the answer she receives is a hum. 

"That depends. Can my boss give me some days off?" Kara asks, a clear grin in her voice.

Lena breathes out at the teasing, realizing that Kara is not really doubtful about it. "She can," she answers, kissing the side of Kara's neck just because she's allowed to.

"And can my boss take some days off?" Kara asks again, her voice a little bit unwavering now. 

"She can," Lena repeats, placing another kiss there and matching it with a light grazing of her fingers on Kara's stomach, under her shirt.

Kara twitches at the touch and instinctively grinds backwards and against Lena's front. The surprised sound coming out of Lena's mouth is borderline a moan - she doesn't wonder anymore if Kara is sure of her feelings, not when she's always so responsive, so eager. 

But then Kara's body goes rigid in her arms and takes her back to seriousness.

"Do you think Maura talked to Jane?"

She's been asking herself the same. Maura sent her a text that didn't let anything out, and she didn't dare ask. She also didn't tell her that she and Kara are together now, because she didn't want to force her happiness on her in case Jane, on the contrary of Kara, didn't reciprocate.

She's sure Maura will know right after seeing them together again, though.

"I don't know. I think she did, she was resolute to do it," she says, watching Kara turn off the gas. "But she also said Jane is very closed about her emotions, and feels threatened when she has to confront them."

"Maybe we could help them in that case," Kara proposes, turning in her arms. She has a little excited smile on her lips. "Return the favor."

Lena doesn't even have the time to answer before Kara steals her breath and kisses her.

* * *

Maura welcomes them to Boston hugging them both at the same time, right down the stairs of Lena's jet, her smile bright. She seems as happy to have them here as they are.

It's only been a couple of months but seeing her is good. And seeing her and Kara together, talking, laughing, it makes Lena's chest even warmer with love for them both. The feeling is overwhelming for a moment, and the force of it, the realization that she's loved and that she loves - she has to clench her eyes shut and breathe.

Kara sees (of course she does) and stops talking in the middle of her sentence.

"Hey, Lena, what's wrong?" she takes her hand immediately, protectively coming closer as to shield her from the rest. Lena accepts it, leaning her head on her shoulder.

"It's okay," she says as she opens her eyes and reaches for Maura's hand. "I'm really happy to be here right now."

Maura only asks when they're on the way to her house. She has her hands on the wheels and her eyes focused on the road and she brings it up in the middle of a crossroad. 

"How are you two?" she asks simply, sweet in a way that makes the question very clear on the topic, gentle but probing.

Kara, on the passenger seat, turns to the back seat to search Lena's eyes bashfully, but all she finds is a smile. "On cloud nine."

It's accurate, Lena thinks. They're still in their honeymoon phase and she knows the excitement will fade, but a part of her also wonders: what if it doesn't and it will feel like this always? What if being with Kara just can't entail dull feelings?

"I can see it," Maura replies smiling, meeting their eyes in turn just for a split of second. "I'm happy for you."

Lena hums in thanks and then just asks in return. "What about you and Jane?"

Maura meets her eyes again through the rear mirror and then moves them back to the road. "I told her. She doesn't feel the same. Not in that way."

Kara turns her head to her and they share a sad glance. Desolated. For a moment Lena searches for something to say, but every possible word seems lame. She scoots forward in her seat and places her hand on Maura's shoulder, and Kara rubs hers on her arms lightly.

Maura's mouth twists in a new way, and for a moment she seems like she's about to cry.

"It's legit that she doesn't have romantic feelings for me," she tries under her breath, but then she can't help but be honest. "She closed herself off right there as I knew she would. _I'm just not into women, Maura, I'm not like that,_ she said."

"Maybe she just needs time," Kara says softly. "As I did."

"No, Kara, it's different. You took time to think it through, to confront your feelings. Jane doesn't confront them, she just negates them. She uses sarcasm to deal and ditch the question."

"Is she mean to you?" Lena intercepts, scooting in her seat and squeezing her shoulder again before realizing and retreating it not to distract her further.

"No, she just avoids the discourse. And keeps her distance a bit. Doesn't sleep at my house anymore." She waits a moment before adding: "She could show up with a boyfriend to prove she's straight, I'm not crossing it off yet."

"That's…" Kara starts, but trails off into silence right after. Maura nods as if she knew what she meant anyway.

"In a bit of time it will probably be forgotten and my heartbreak will pass and we will be back to normal. I'll be fine. But please, don't bring it up."

Both Lena and Kara nod and assure her they won't.

* * *

Lena and Kara pretend not to know anything as promised. They don't even introduce themselves as girlfriends, and Maura wonders if Jane knows anyway. They just shake Jane's hand with a smile, and Jane answers with a tight one, wary and alert as usual. When Maura told her they were coming, she didn't seem to mind: she had nodded distractingly, seeping her beer and keeping her eyes fixed on the tv. Maura hadn't thought anything of it. Jane had been acting a bit cold since she came back from National City and revealed her feelings on the drive home.

It was the rush of seeing Lena happy that got her too excited to wait any longer. She said it casually: _Lena is in love with her best friend. I am, too, Jane._ But Jane just blinked. Tried a forced _good for her_ and dropped the subject there.

Maura had brought it up again after dinner, once they were on the couch and she could see her face. _I don't feel it, I'm sorry._

She got the message, and didn't say anything more. And now she has Lena here, as beautiful and happy as ever, glowing, her hand always finding a way to touch her, to bring her back to present and to her.

Why couldn't Jane give her just a bit of comfort like that? She wasn't greedy: for years she had lived off the little affection Jane showed and thought it would be enough. But now she watches as Jane eyes the three of them them warily from the other side of the kitchen counter, uncomfortable, never doing anything to ease in the conversation, and she doesn't know why her eyes start to tingle. 

"Maura, you okay?" Kara asks under her breath when she sees her turn her back to them. "Is something wrong?"

She comes close immediately, without waiting for an answer and invading her personal space, her head tilted to see her eyes - but Maura doesn't mind. It was clear that Kara is sweet, attentive, but having that type of care directed to her is so new that it just worsens the situation. Her throat burns with uncried tears. (She wonders if Lena felt the same the first times Kara showed worry for her.)

Maura shakes her head lightly, closing her eyes and focusing on her breathing. "Don't touch me," is the only thing she can whisper. 

She hears the faucet start to run, and Kara whispering softly to put her wrists under the spray. She blinks her eyes back open and follows without turning to her, feeling the cold water run over her heated skin.

Thankfully when she turns Lena is distracted watching the chess on the coffee table, and Jane is distracted watching her watch.

"This is beautiful, Maura," Lena comments, head down while stroking the pieces. "Do you still play?"

She blinks, drying her hands with a napkin and clearing her throat. "Yes. Just, not with you."

Lena smiles, keeping her eyes on the pieces. "And why not?"

"Because you're a child chess prodigy who used her ability to have me naked in three rounds."

Maura doesn't know where it is coming from - this boldness that makes her hint out loud that she's had intercourse with this woman while Jane is right there and Kara is right there (not that Kara doesn't know already, but it's certainly not polite). She said it for Jane, she thinks. And it feels _so good_ to just admit it out loud after keeping this part of her to herself for so long to make Jane comfortable.

It's horrible of her maybe, but now she wants her uncomfortable. She's challenging her, too: to call her out about it, to just acknowledge her identity and not dismiss it like she did when she confessed her feelings.

Lena laughs out loud, finally raising her head. She meets her eyes, and Maura shakes her head lightly. She heard Kara gasp on her side, and Lena throws her a wink.

"Good times," Lena admits. "I remember you not minding losing… but we wouldn't play for clothes here anyway."

"Well, I figured. But I'm still not playing with you, it's useless."

Lena is about to reply when a quiet admission finally comes from Jane. "I can play."

Lena turns her head and smirks. Just like that she knows Jane returns Maura's feelings. She doesn't know that she and Kara are together, and probably her fear of Lena being a potential love interest for Maura just turned into a reality for her. They're going to play for Maura, she's aware of this, and if that will get Jane to realize her feelings, Lena doesn't mind.

"You know I truly admire your mind, Jane, but this is not something you can win," Maura intercepts. But Lena is already setting the pieces and sitting down on the couch, and Jane follows, ignoring the comment.

Maura and Kara share a glance and leave them to it, going back to preparing dinner.

* * *

Jane’s stubborn, she’ll give her that. Despite Lena’s attempts to make it hard for her, she never backs down: on the contrary, she seems to grow even more driven.

"Don't take it personally when I'll win,” she says after moving, avoiding to call checkmate to let the game go for longer. “You don't need to prove yourself."

Lena is trying to be gentle, because Jane really looks adamant about winning and she won't let her just for pity. She has this frown on her face, she's not seen her smile once, and despite being quite good, it won't be enough.

"I'm not trying to," she replies without even looking at her. _She's really serious about this,_ Lena thinks.

"You are. You feel threatened that your competition is Lena Luthor."

"I don't care about who you are or how rich you are."

There. She's getting a reaction out of her, her voice laced with repressed anger. And they're clearly not talking about chess.

"No, but I was Maura's friend before you. I know things you don't about her. I have a knowledge of her-"

"Stop it," Jane hisses. "You don't know her anymore. She's different now."

"Is she really? Because the woman who came to National City was exactly like the girl I left in Boarding School. God, maybe even more-"

Jane's hand jerks and knocks a couple of pieces down, the loud sound making all heads turn to her. Lena watches her put them back in place clenching her jaw. She's being intrusive and annoying, but she loves to see Jane squirm, knowing she's not used to. She deserves it, for hurting Maura.

She leans forward, whispering her words out while Jane's hand halts to a stop midair. 

"If you think Maura is this _so pure_ human I'm witnessing here tonight, gentle, conciliating, tip-toeing around her words… you're way out of line," she grits out, leaving Jane quiet, her eyes staying down for once. "You think you know her better just because you've been friends for more years?"

She smirks, adrenaline coursing through her blood as if she's talking down an old, white member of L-Corp board. And God, she can admit to herself that she feels _alive_ l in this exact moment, the words tumbling out of her mouth with more and more spite - she almost scares herself.

"The duration doesn't matter if you've never actually let her be herself, if she has to pretend, if she has to make herself small for you. _I've_ given her the possibility to be authentic, and let me tell you… _she_ _shined_. And you know why I let her? _Because I could stand it_."

Jane swallows, placing the piece in her hand back down like an obedient child. Lena eyes her up and down, looking for something to tell her that that's enough, but the vision - the submission - enrages her just more.

"So if you believe her true self is this one, that's on you. If you can't fathom to see her for who she really is, that's on _you_. And I don't give a fuck if you're going through some sort of lesbian awakening or religious panic, do you hear me, Jane? If she's too great for you to bear, let her fucking go."

Suddenly it seems that every sound in the kitchen has chased, the silence so abrupt that she wonders if Maura and Kara have heard her. Something must have slipped because Kara calls her name in question at the continuing whispering and Lena just waves her hand in her direction. Jane has yet to say anything, but it's Lena turn to move.

"I'm letting it go for longer than necessary, I could have won three times already," she whispers as she moves. "Maura would be on my lap now."

Checkmate.

* * *

Kara had noticed that there was a vacant seat at the dinner table, and she had finally found who it was for when a woman had burst through the front door announcing _girls, I'm home._

She had seen Jane flinch and Maura smile sympathetically at her before the woman could see them. It wasn't that hard to identify her as Angela. She remembered the voice from Maura's Skype call.

Angela had shut the door and stopped in the middle of the living room when she had seen her and Lena. It was brief, just a moment for each of their faces before she had dropped her purse to the floor.

"Angela, these are-" Maura had started, getting up from armchair, both Kara and Lena mimicking her.

"Lena Luthor and Kara Danvers," she had whispered. "Oh my God."

Kara had been able to sense Lena's back straightening, ready for the worse as usual, and she had wished she could rub her hand along her spine but didn't want to upset her.

She had just watched her stick her hand out politely. "This is she. Nice to meet you."

The wary, impersonal hand had gotten grasped in between both Angela's hands and shaken vigorously, throwing her off. "Oh my God, Maura told me so much about you but I couldn't believe it. I mean, yes, I could, because Maura doesn't lie, but still. Is she real?" she had asked, turning to Maura but never letting Lena's hand go. "We have Lena Luthor in our house!"

"It's Maura's house, ma," Jane had pointed out. 

"That's… sweet of you, ma'am. I'm real, and glad to be here. You must be Angela?"

Angela had let her hand go at that, taken aback. "I am. How do you know who I am?"

"Maura said something about you treating her like a daughter. I don't forget people who take care of the ones I love."

So that's how they find themselves all at the table, dinner finished, seeping a wine Kara doesn't want to know the value of, with Angela asking them how they met.

"My cousin is a journalist, too, and went to interview her. I tagged along, but I'm the one who left a good impression on her," Kara answers proudly, giddy when Lena smiles sweetly and doesn't correct her. "Somehow we came back to each other more and more. Like we couldn't stay away. You know when you meet someone and get to know them and you just know you found the person you've been looking for all your life? It was like that."

"Charmer," Lena smiles, ducking her head to hide, but Kara can see that she's touched. 

"We're already together, I'm not charming you, this is the truth."

The pregnant stare Lena and Kara share gets interrupted by the excitement cry Angela lets out, her hands clapping, and they both turn to her. "I knew you were together!" she grins, Maura hiding her smile behind a hand and Jane's head whipping towards them in attention.

"I knew there was something more than friendship, I can feel these things!" Angela adds, leaning over the table and taking Lena's hand in her left one and Kara's in the other. Kara accepts it with a big smile, thanking her, and Lena eyes the slightly wrinkled hand holding hers, not knowing what to say.

"Girls, tell them how you two met," Angela adds, sitting back down and turning to Maura and Jane alternatively.

For once it's Jane who talks. "I was undercover as a hooker. I went back to the station to have lunch, but I didn't have my wallet with me. The bar owner is an asshole, and even though he knew who I was, he refused to give me the food if I didn't pay straight away."

"So I kindly handed her a bill. But she refused it and got angry at me," Maura finishes, raising her eyebrows at Jane.

"You handed it wearing gloves! As if I was infective-"

"You could have been."

"And you told me what diet I should have followed considering _my_ _job_. You were making fun of me."

"I was honestly just trying to be helpful and I wasn't being malicious."

"Well, I know that now, I didn't back then. But anyways, you should have seen her face when I interrupted her autopsy a couple of days later."

It's the first time Kara and Lena hear Jane laugh and finally lets herself go a little, and sharing a look with each other they both know it's because she has forgotten they're here and is solely concentrated on Maura. And Maura has a smitten smile of her face, her cheeks also a bit flush it seems.

"So yeah, in the end she turned out to be a goofy woman who doesn't know slang and refuses to guess anything ever. Who has an unhealthy habit of compulsory purchasing when sad and an annoying tendency of listing the bad ingredients of any food I'm eating," Jane ends softly. So softly it's almost out of character.

"And you have a self-destructive disposition, Jane. An unexplained refusal of any sort of care I try to give you. And you're so stubborn, it's unnerving. Really, you're alive by luck and I hate it. The things you make me go through… seeing you shoot yourself, seeing you jump off a bridge-"

"Maura," Lena tries to call as she sees her anger grow. Maura blinks at the sound of her voice and clears her throat, relaxing back into the chair.

"I apologise. Loving you just entails a great amount of worry, Jane. I know Angela understands what I'm saying." And Angela, as expected, nods with her head low. Jane, at that, deflates completely.

"It's my job," she murmurs.

"I know. It's still difficult."

By the end of the night Lena and Kara are banished from helping cleaning the kitchen by Angela, who pushes them away playfully towards the living room. They follow the order but stay in a corner, watching as Maura tries to convince Jane to sleep here tonight. _Not tonight, Maur_ , she answers, sliding her jacket off the couch, and they both wonder if Maura has been hearing that answer for months now. 

Maura looks at Jane while she puts her jacket on, while she says goodbye to her mother, while she throws a _goodnight_ at them and while she closes the door behind her as she goes.

"Well, it is pretty late," she says, finally turning to them. "Your room should have everything you need, but in case something's missing, my room is at the end of the hall."

Lena knows Kara wants to say something, she sees it in the way she's biting her cheek, so she reaches for her hand and squeezes: Maura won't open up to them right now. 

Despite the closedness, Maura hugs them both goodnight - firstly Kara, and she closes her eyes and tightens her hold in comfort since she can't express it in words, and then Lena, another long lasting hug that makes them sigh, and Lena whispers an _I'm sorry_ right before they part.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You won't make me feel sorry, I don't regret this in the slightest bit :)
> 
> English is not my first language. Please forgive my mistakes.

Lena knows something is up with Kara as soon as they cross the threshold of their room. She knows for certain when Kara barely closes the door behind them before she's fucking her.

Lena is taking off her earrings in front of the mirror and the second one is not even on the table yet when Kara plasters herself to her back and rolls her skirt up around her stomach, her hand sliding under her panties without a word. 

Lena watches the desperation in Kara's eyes through the mirror, astonished, unable to move or question her - until Kara touches her between her legs and she realizes, unexpectedly, that she's wet.

If Kara is surprised by the discovery, she doesn't say it. On the contrary, Lena notices, she seemed to know, because a moment later she's thrusting two fingers inside and trapping the _god, Kara!_ coming out of her mouth under her other hand.

"Is this because of me?" she asks in her ear, Lena's vision blurring and going black when Kara's next inquiry registers. "Or is it because of Maura?"

She can't answer, because Kara goes faster, deeper, forcing Lena to brace herself on the table, and the orgasm is already under reach - but if she _could_ answer, she wonders what she would say.

It's because of Kara, for sure. And because of Maura, too. 

She thinks it's a sort of jealousy, this thing taking hold of Kara. But the image of the two of them she finds again in the mirror is her only focus, the way her hips flare out, the constant moving of Kara's hand, the other on her mouth while Kara grinds against her ass. 

There's no space left in her mind to think. She only comes, trembling, the repressed noises in her mouth making her throat raw. 

She keeps thinking it's jealousy, when Kara brings her to bed and keeps making her come as to cancel from her mind anything that isn't her. It must be, and if Kara needs to fuck her brains out to calm her jealousy, honestly… Lena doesn't mind. They need to talk about it later, for sure, but right now Kara is driving into her so well that Lena's mind is numbed.

When Kara brings Maura's name up for the third time, however, Lena's mind can't stay put any longer. There's something out of place when Kara doesn't try to stop her from screaming anymore and instead encourages her.

"Fuck, yes, Lena. I want to hear you. I want Maura to hear you."

If possible, she comes even harder than before and there's no way Maura, on the other side of the hallway, hasn't heard her.

Her orgasm triggers Kara's, who goes rigid on her leg and twitches, closing her eyes. She moves against Lena's thigh a couple of times as she comes down and leaves her skin wet.

"You want her to know you're fucking me?" Lena asks when Kara opens her eyes again and watches her from above, still hungry. It's Lena's turn to drive her hand between Kara's legs, trapping it between their bodies. "You want her to hear?"

In a split of second she's adding more, the thought coming from she doesn't know where. "You want her to see?"

Kara clenches around her fingers as her back arches, and Lena's breath hitches at the revelation. "Fuck, you _do_." 

Her body revolts against the precise, careful moving of her hand inside of Kara and she finds herself driving up into her bracing her feet on the mattress and thrusting her hips up in time with her hand.

"You want her here with us."

Her observation is too quiet and gets lost in the cacophony filling the room. In addition Kara lets herself lay on Lena's front, and Lena wraps her free arm around her shoulders and keep pumping. It's only when Kara trembles in aftershock that Lena remembers what she said.

The air around them is hot, their bodies sweaty and their closeness doesn't alleviate any of it, but it's then - when Kara nuzzles her nose against Lena's neck and searches her mouth desperately - that she brings it up again.

"Kara?" Lena asks when they part, their faces so close she can barely see her. 

"Something's wrong with me," Kara whispers back.

"Is it something you really want, yes or no?"

Kara nods, closing her eyes at the admission. And Lena bites her lip, keeping her hands on Kara's cheeks for comfort. This could potentially destroy everything if something goes wrong. If Kara's request comes out of jealousy and she hasn't told her. If Kara is actually unsure about their relationship, unsure about her role, unsure about being enough for Lena.

"Are you into open relationships?" she asks softly, stroking her thumbs along Kara's cheekbones.

"No," she answers, matching the word with a shake of her head. 

Then, quietly: "Just her. Together."

"Look at me," Lena demands, and Kara complies immediately, repeating her answer. Lena looks into her eyes and envisions the three of them - not only Maura in bed with her, not only Kara, but both, demanding attention and giving it at the same time.

"You know you're enough for me, right?"

Kara nods, taking one of Lena's hands off her cheeks and holding it in hers. "I know. It's not about that… when I realized my feelings for you, I also started to have… dreams. You know, _sex_ dreams. I've never had them before, I thought I just wasn't that kind of person."

She shrugs, looking unfocused at Lena shoulder. 

"But then I started to have them, so frequently. At first I didn't even see the faces of the girls I was with, but then… then it was _you_ , and sometimes her. I know it's not okay but I can't stop it."

Lena finally decides to move at that. She slides in a sitting position with Kara eyeing her, scared but mimicking her, and when they're settled in front of one another with their legs crossed, still naked, the sheets pooling around them, she takes her hands again.

"Kara, you can't help what you desire. And when you've spent your life unaware of it, it's normal that it hits so strongly. Thank you for being honest," she says, leaning forward, kissing her cheek for a long moment. 

"But maybe I also want her because you want her," Kara adds cautiously, and Lena leans back to see her eyes again. "If you weren't involved, I don't think I would be interested in her. Does that make sense?"

It shouldn't, but somehow she gets it. And she can't honestly say that what Kara has been suggesting all along hasn't affected her. She would have never brought it up, because it was just a fantasy as many others, but now… Kara is so willing, she's actually the one asking. 

"We should put something on."

* * *

Lena does put something on, but the robe is let loose, the string barely keeping it closed around her, and the sides only meet at her navel, creating a deep v of naked skin from her neck down.

Kara can't tear her eyes away from her, the black fabric practically begging her hands to bare her chest completely. (Despite the fact that she's just seen her naked.)

There's the mole on her neck she suddenly wants to run her tongue over, but Lena is taking her hand and leading them out of their room, so she just licks her lips instead.

When Maura lets them in her own bedroom, Kara sees that her eyes fall exactly to the same place. She's propped up against the headboard, what looks like a magazine in her hands, and when her eyes flicker up from it she's stunned by the view.

Kara doesn't honestly blame her. 

The stillness of the moment gives her time to watch her in return: her pale legs stretched out in front of her, crossed at the feet, a nude-colored silk nightgown with a lace neckline that doesn't cover any of the freckles on her shoulders. 

Maura doesn't say a word, but turns to her with the same expression on her face, and Kara doesn't feel like she deserves it. Her old, big t-shirt and overused shorts pale in comparison, but it seems like Maura has no complaints.

"How can I help you?" she finally asks after clearing her throat. "Is there anything you need?"

"We need to know how you're feeling," Lena answers for both of them, pulling Kara to the bed. She sits next to Maura, while Kara stops at the foot of the mattress.

"I will be okay. For now I feel a bit sad," Maura admits, propelling Kara to tilt her head in sympathy.

"You know, there's a thing they say," Lena murmurs, coming closer, loud enough to let Kara hear. "That orgasms increase serotonin."

The word rolls off her tongue unexpectedly and Kara has to stifle a groan - which ends up coming out half choked - but they don't seem to notice. Maura only hums in thought.

"I know, Lena, but masturbation would only make me feel more lonely tonight."

The language is scientific, not even crude, but it works for Kara: she listens and feels the words make her blood pump, the muscles of her thighs clench. She's half present half away, looking at them from the outside, and it's exactly like her dreams.

But when Lena grazes Maura's knee with two fingertips, playing it casual, it becomes clear to her that it is _not_ a dream. That she asked for this, that she could be allowed to have it. 

"Then let us take care of you," Lena says, her voice so smooth that it leaves her at loss of words. Maura is frozen there, with her mouth slightly agape, her eyes moving over her face in search of something, and then she moves her inspection to Kara's for confirmation.

She lets her look, and under her scrutiny she feels her body grow restless, a burn start back in her stomach. The same that propelled her to take Lena in front of the mirror an hour ago.

She watches as Lena moves her two fingers from her knee to her chin and turns Maura's head back to her, forcing her out of her analysis of Kara's face. And then her eyes refocus on Lena, and she stays there, her lips slightly parted: the vicinity quickens her breathing pattern, and her whole body rocks forward and into Lena's space.

"Kiss her," Kara encourages finally, and Maura breathes out in relief at the permission, closing her eyes before even moving. Lena moves for her, and suddenly Kara's whole attention is on the sharp lines of their jawlines moving, the way their mouths slot together, open and desperate, the hint of tongue she can see from here but doesn't know who it belongs to. She notices, also, that Maura's hands shake in her lap.

For a moment she thinks she's happy staying put where she is, on the outside, watching but not participating; as the thought comes, it goes, and then she's crawling along the mattress, sitting back on her legs when she's next to Lena.

She just mimickes Lena's previous gesture and turns Maura's head to her with a palm on her jaw, interrupting the kiss, their lips popping apart loudly. Maura, dizzy from the kiss, witnesses for the first time Kara's arousal: the way it paints itself on her face, in her eyes, how it turns her edgier and seems barely bearable. Lena's ready to tell her to go on, to kiss her girlfriend, but Kara beats her to it and just murmurs _my turn_ before closing the space between them. 

Kara is experimental, slow, but Lena hears loud and clear the sounds of approval coming from Maura. She sees her hold on to reality with her fists around Kara's wrists, her whole body moving to kneel and have leverage.

And when they part, Kara and Lena don't even have to look at each other before they're the ones kissing. It's probably a trick of their imagination but they would agree that their mouths taste like Maura, and Lena can't help but lick her lips when they part.

"Is this going to progress into a threesome?" Maura asks, genuinely curious, and Kara tells her it can be, if she wants it.

"We're not Jane, but, you know… maybe the two of us can take your mind off her for a bit?" Lena tries, caressing Maura's neck with a finger, prompting a shiver. And Maura melts, angles her head to the side to expose her neck fully, her half-lidded eyes finding Kara's in front of her.

"Don't name her," she begs. "Not now, just let me have this."

They don't know if Maura is speaking to them or to her own mind, but they both nod. And then Lena inches closer and settles her front against Maura's back, and Maura lets herself lean back against the solid, warm body offering her support, her head falling on Lena's shoulder.

"We would much prefer to hear you say our names tonight anyway," Lena admits in her ear softly, her fingertips grazing the skin of her biceps in an alluring, repetitive motion. The picture the two of them paint together and the electrifying energy running between them force Kara into a paralysis: she stills, while the two bodies in front of her, clad in silk, start rocking. Lena is pushing her hips up into Maura's ass, an arm curled around her waist to keep her plastered to her, and it shouldn't do anything, but instead… the visual, the friction, and the unexpected dominance Lena is showing work for Kara.

It's even more destabilizing than her own fantasies. Even in her dreams she somehow keeps herself in check, and therefore the other participants, too. But Lena, in front of her, is so deliberate, so uninhibited, and Maura receives it so well. 

Kara only realizes her hand is past the waistband of her shorts when her fingers graze her clit and she twitches at the touch. And then Lena slows down to a lazy grinding, her hands going back to Maura's shoulders. She asks her if she can, playing with the straps of Maura's nightgown, and when she's granted permission, she runs her hands down her arms bringing the straps with her. The material swooshes down Maura's front without resistance and pools at the hips, leaving her chest completely bare in front of Kara.

She's tempted to close the distance and run her hands over the newly revealed skin, to feel the weight and the firmness of Maura's chest directly in her palms, to catalogue how different it feels from Lena's. But then the hands that do touch Maura are not hers but Lena's and Kara stands there, watching the way the fingers grip the flesh, intentionally rough. 

It's clear that each move comes from years of knowledge, of well-oiled practice. Lena knows where to touch, how to move, what to say. How to handle her. And each stroke works the way it should, arouses exactly the desired effect, it seems.

Maura doesn't have inhibitions either. She doesn't show self consciousness about her body or her desire, and when she outright asks for more without directions, Lena looks up at her. "Kara," Lena calls. "What do you want me to do?"

Maura blinks her eyes open, and suddenly Kara is the one being watched, very aware of the hand still between her legs as Maura's whole attention zeros in on the tent in her shorts. She doesn't know what she wants her to do: a series of images flash in her mind too quickly to grasp any. 

"Fuck her like she likes it," she finds herself saying, and there's a moment of silence in which she wonders if she's said something wrong, if the fact that she's touching herself while watching them is somehow offensive. The thought passes when Maura reaches her hand out towards her, silently asking her to come closer.

Kara circles her clit one last time before retreating her hand and obeying. The kiss they share this time is less unsure, but Maura still is more chaste than Lena, her teeth don't bite and they part with a satisfying sound of their lips popping.

"Why don't you find out yourself what I like?" 

They keep their eyes locked while Maura takes her hand - the one still wet from her own arousal - and unashamedly guides it up her nightgown. The surprise of finding her naked underneath makes her gasp softly.

"I sleep in the nude," Maura explains. "I only put something on because you were here."

"You didn't need to use this courtesy with us," Kara answers absentmindedly, her focus actually directed to the feeling of her fingers gliding over her folds, too slick for friction but warm, the hair grazing her skin.

"Kara," Maura calls softly against her mouth, making her hum in question. "Go in."

She complies silently without further request, an hand on Maura's hip, gripping both the fabric resting there and her naked flesh, and the other parting her blindly, two fingers sliding in with minor resistance. Maura's eyes slip closed and Kara takes the chance to watch her face closely, careful about the way each movement of her hand alters her expression. And when she experimentally scissors her fingers, Maura gasps against her mouth, clutching at her shoulders, begging her to do it again.

As she finds a rhythm that seems to please her, she kisses her again, her front against Maura's naked one. And then there's a body behind her, and an arm circling her waist, and Lena kissing the back of her neck. 

"My two worlds colliding," she murmurs, peppering kisses. There's something emotional about the way her voice comes out, and even if this is sex, even if Maura is coming on her hand, it's sentimental. And even when Lena instructs her to keep going, to make Maura come again, to go shallow and rub her palm against her clit - even then it feels tender. 

She's used to being vocal with Lena: to tell her that she finds her beautiful, to make clear how good she looks under her, to praise her repeatedly and without restraint. Here, she realizes, she can't say anything. A part of her fears any word coming from her could break the spell or could be wrong, could make them rethink this moment. She knows she's intruding in something that isn't hers (or hasn't been until now), and maybe she's trying to bring as little change as she can. Her mouth feels unusually dry and sealed, but then she sees that the instructions affect Maura, that hearing Lena say out loud how she likes it and what will make her come enhances her pleasure.

So she finds herself going along by instinct. "Come again for us," she says, her palm moving roughly against her clit. "Say my name and come for us."

And Maura does, chanting her name - _Kara, Kara, Kara_ \- riding her hand shakily, collapsing in her arms right after. Kara wipes her hand against her own thigh and Maura presses her forehead against her collarbones, hiding her face in her chest. Lena strokes her hair softly, locking eyes with Kara over Maura's head. 

* * *

Despite what she had previously imagined, the atmosphere never turns desperate or frenzied. It stays mellow, emotionally deep, as if the attention, the care each one of them is pouring out is saturating the air and keeping it heavy.

It requires mental stamina to not lose track of everything that keeps happening, to take notice of two other people in bed instead of one, to satisfy everyone's needs. Even if it's not desperate, even if Maura has the time to question what she's doing and wonder what she owns to the world to have this joy in return, even if Lena looks touched and so different from the version of her she's used to seeing in bed - it's what they all need.

Kara's rigid back loosens up after Lena makes her come with her mouth, and when Lena tells Kara to stay lying there - to keep her legs open and watch and touch herself if she wants - and then proceeds to pull Maura in the middle of the bed and smear the wetness on her lips on Maura's nipples - all feels surreal. 

She drags her closed mouth around the perked flesh again and again, nuzzling her cheeks against her chest as she goes, and then, once she's satisfied, she hovers. She spends long moments admiring her work, enjoying the way the low light shines on her wet skin. And then her eyes find Maura's, her lips opens and she tastes. 

Lena's fervent desire to please, to drive their minds numb is returned to her by Maura and Kara simultaneously. The impact of their shared attention, of their hands on her, all over, between her legs and in her mouth at the same time - the impact is so intense that her thighs begin to shake, out of her control.

And when she releases the digits in her mouth to breathe, pleasure keeps coursing stronger and stronger through her muscles, it tightens at the bottom of her belly almost painfully.

"Edge me," she gulps out, her eyes snapping open. Kara's hand freezes on her clit, but she’s so sensitive that the still pressure is enough to make her twitch. Maura is lying to her side, her wet fingers trailing over Lena's front - her neck, her breastbone, her stomach - leisurely, admiringly. Even her touch halts to a stop, right under her breasts, her fingertips digging slightly.

The pressure inside of her eases and she slumps against the mattress, but she knows it's just dormant, waiting there to be awoke. 

"Are you sure?" Maura asks sweetly. "Can you take it?"

Lena nods. "Slowly. Drag it out of me."

"How long?" Kara asks, her fingers stroking up and down the inside of her left thigh.

"I don't know, I don't know."

What she does know is that Kara and Maura take turns on her, over and over, and the only constant is her hand fisting in blond hair. She sees them take their time to feast on her as if she is the center of the universe, as if they've never seen her before, as if they are the ones being desperate and not her. She feels herself being bared from the inside out, she grows raw and incoherent and mad.

They keep her in check like a drugged animal, registering her pleas but not taking them into consideration, pinning her hands down when she tries to touch herself because they are not anymore.

And then she doesn't see them anymore, because her eyes close and just succumbs to the torture. The only thing she knows is that it's Maura turn now, and she unashamedly parts her with two fingers and drags just the tip of her tongue around her opening, over her lips. Her body seems to seize at the littlest pressure and by now they're barely able to touch her once before they have to stop. She hears them say something - _enough, anymore_ , something like that - but she's too mind-numbed to get it all.

"Lena," she hears, softly spoken in her ear. A part of her brain already knows what coming, and she's overwhelmed with three very distinct emotions: the fear of making her body let go after so much overstimulation; the relief of having the cord finally snapped and released; the desperate need for it to go on. _Don't take this away from me, don't take me out of this blissed, feverish reality that both kills me and gives me life._

"You need to come now."

She doesn't even know what happens after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, I utterly loved writing them together.
> 
> Come find me here! [ Tumblr ](http://thistableforone.tumblr.com/)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> English is not my first language. Please forgive my mistakes.

When she wakes up, the first thing she thinks is that it was a dream. It was a dream because, even if it's so rare that she dreams, even if it was so vivid, it couldn't _not_ be a dream.

It must have been, because there's no way Lena and Kara crept in her room last night and undid her so thoroughly. There's no way they had opened their so new relationship to her - to her, of all people - just because she needed it. It was a dream, a breathtaking, impossible dream.

She decides to stay in the blissed atmosphere fogging her mind for some minutes still, and so she lays there unmoving, only clenching and unclenching her hands in time with her breathing. She's naked, she realizes. But it's not unusual. She's aroused, she realizes. But it's not unusual. 

When she does open her eyes, she already knows it was actually not a dream. It comes back piece after piece while she's laying there, and so when she blinks her eyes open and finds Kara and Lena there, in her bed, naked as well, she's not surprised. 

Kara is sleeping on her stomach at the opposite side of the bed, her face turned to Lena and her, and she has an arm over Lena's front. She takes the time to watch them: the way Kara has her mouth slightly agape, the way Lena has her legs tangled in the sheets. She wants to place a kiss on Lena's shoulder in thanks (it's right there anyway).

When she finally gets up and goes to the bathroom, she cleans herself up and spends long moments in front of the mirror, looking at herself. There aren't physical traces of what she experienced last night: no marks, no bites. They were too gentle to leave any, their touch too soothing. Still, she looks for them. Because she felt discovered anew last night, and how can an life-altering moment leave no visible traces behind? She looks, and looks, and at last she has to make peace with the fact that there aren't any.

Her body had been worshipped in the secret of the night - by two people nonetheless - but of course there would be no sign of it in the morning. There never was, because the kind of care she's experienced in her life has never made it to the morning light. Even with Lena, even in Boarding School, they had to do it in secret. Surely somebody knew (their roommates, for example) but she still had to keep quiet about it. 

And it's true that she likes sex but not intimacy. There was always a layer her partners couldn't go past. She didn't let them. She couldn't fathom the idea of showering with someone, she hated when they would try to place their arm around her shoulders while walking. She had her space, and they had to respect that. 

Maybe it was her own fault that she hadn't been able to develop meaningful romantic relationships. They were never romantic to begin with: some had been pragmatic, some beneficial, some comfortable. But never deep. So what was left in the morning of the loving she received and gave at night was a watered version of it, so diluted it was almost non-existent. 

She always felt hollow the morning after. She feels like that right now. No matter how satisfying it had been, Kara and Lena will not kiss her now that it's morning. They will go back to National City and back to their life together, and maybe (but she's not sure) she will see them again and it will happen once more, only to lead her here another time. So the outcome, as usual, is and always will be the same. 

When she exists the bathroom, Kara and Lena are both still asleep. She pads to the door, wraps her robe tightly around her and watches them with an hand already on the doorknob. 

They will kiss each other good morning when they wake up.

* * *

Despite everything, she prepares them breakfast and brings it to them in bed. She feels like that's both a politeness you own to guests and a nice, silent way to thank them.

She opens the door with her elbow and makes her way inside backwards, so that she doesn't see the way both Kara and Lena immediately turn to the door at the sound and release their breath.

She only notices their staring when she turns and closes the door with her back. They're sitting on the bed, their clothes back on, Lena against the bedframe and Kara on her side, turned to her with her legs crossed.

"Maura," Lena exhales, immediately folding her legs as to get up. But she stops there, blinks and sits back. "Good morning," she smiles. 

Kara rubs Lena's thigh soothingly with her palm and then gets up, meeting her halfway. She takes Maura's tray in her hands, and gently takes the weight from her with a murmured _let me_. Maura nods and does let her, but instead of turning back to the bed Kara leans into her space.

She bends her neck and turns her body so that the tray doesn't stay between them. Maybe it is the certainty that this couldn't happened that causes such a reaction, but once Maura understands what she's doing she can't help herself: she takes her face in her hands and brings her to her mouth. 

Kara tastes like toothpaste, but it's familiar, it's her own toothpaste, and somehow that realization shocks her. She steps back, letting her hands fall to her sides. Kara just smiles at her wide eyes. "Good morning," she grins.

She says the greeting back, running her tongue over her lips after. Kara follows the movement with attention, but then the tray almost slips from her hold and she moves her focus on it. Maura mentally takes note of the effect she has, pleased, and follows Kara back to the bed. Lena is there waiting on her knees for her and it almost takes her breath away - the way she basically crawls to her arouses an image in her head that she tries to ignore with all her willpower. 

She guides Lena's chin up and kisses her, trying to be chaste to counterbalance her thoughts, but Lena doesn't let her. She's not happy until her mouth opens at last and she feels pulled apart. 

By the time they part it's clear to her that they're all falling back in the mood that unraveled them last night, and they can't afford to. It's way too illogical and dangerous to repeat it so soon.

She ignores the look in Lena's eyes and just strokes her cheek, smiling down at her. It's affectionate, but Lena closes her eyes and leans further into her touch and Maura has to back away completely.

Even while they eat the feeling stays among them and she can't look too long at either of them in fear of seeing it escalate. The sounds - the sipping, the chewing, the swallowing, the syrup being poured on the pancakes - are louder than normal and she notices them all.

Everywhere, in everything, there's a pull that tries to tear down her dams and let her flow outside, unrestrained. Why is she keeping herself in check to begin with? It would never be like this with Jane, deep down she knows this. She's not sure Jane even likes sex - she knows she's had it, but she has always sounded indifferent to it, as if she was imposing to herself to do it as a chore. She doesn't want to believe that someone could force Jane to do it, but she's not sure she hasn't talked herself into it. 

She's playing herself when she thinks that Jane would like it with her just because she's not a man. Just because she doesn't necessarily need to be on the receiving end with her. Jane did tell her that she doesn't feel what Maura feels for her, and maybe she made a mistake to think she was referring to her feelings when she said it. Maybe she was talking about the physical attraction, the appeal. 

"Hey," Kara calls, putting a hand on her arm. "Are you with us?"

Maura nods. "I am very much with you," she answers, trying not to see the way Lena smirks. "We should get ready, Jane will be here soon and we have a lot of places to show you two."

"Okay, boss," Kara says playfully, chewing her last bites. Lena, on the contrary, just looks at her in a way that screams _I know what you're doing_ , but she doesn't say anything. What Lena does, however, is scooping up some syrup from her pancakes with a forefinger and sucking the digit in her mouth, keeping her eyes locked with hers.

* * *

"Have you always lived here, Jane?"

It's Kara who asks, between a bite of ice cream and another. Kara outright begged them to make a stop in this very shop as soon as she saw the insight, and there was no way of making her change her mind. So they're sitting in a window booth, Kara with her ice cream, Jane with a slice of chocolate cake, and Maura and Lena with a glass of iced tea each.

"I have," she nods. "I'm very fond of it."

The good thing is, Jane is definitely more relaxed today, in her element. She's the one deciding their sightseeing, while Maura shares historical facts about anything they encounter. 

And Kara and Lena, on their part, have been following them, always walking side by side with their hands linked or their shoulders bumping playfully. Nobody seems to recognize Lena, and this has made her smile easy and bright.

"Must be nice," Kara replies. "Knowing for sure where your home is."

Jane's eyebrows furrow, and her eyes don't miss the way Lena's hand immediately searches Kara's. She turns to Maura for help, but she's surprised as well, so she just clears her throat.

"Do you…" she tries to ask. "Do you know now?"

"Yeah, I do now," Kara tries to smile. "But something's missing from my childhood anyway."

Jane learns then that she's the only one at the table who is not adopted, the only one without a tragic, traumatic past. The things Kara and Lena respectively share are unexpected. She knew a bit about Lena from the news, but when she met her last night she looked so fierce, so sure, that she forgot. And Kara… the looks outright fooled her. She is light, definitely more welcoming than Lena - she can hide her sorrows well, she can give her that.

"I did meet my sister, though," Kara adds with a big, genuine smile. "Alex makes it all worth it."

The way she says it is so heartfelt that Jane finds herself smiling back. "I can't say that about my brothers," she then adds, trying to lighten up the mood.

Maura slaps her arm playfully, calling her name. "Don't say that, Frankie and Tommy are wonderful."

"Sure, because they both have a crush on you and they act better than they are around you."

It's a joke, and Maura tilts her head at her. Jane raises her eyebrows in question at her, and Maura shakes her head. "It is true, though. They both made advances."

Jane's head does a double take at that, and she turns stiff, her face leaning closer. "What?!" she hisses under her breath. 

Maura just shrugs, looking at Lena and Kara, who are definitely entertained by their little banter. "They did. They kissed me, too."

"I'm going to kill them," Jane murmurs, incredibly serious. 

"Okay, calm down, Jane," Maura smiles, placing her hand on her forearm. "I turned them down, and nothing happened. I wouldn't risk our friendship to be with one of your brothers."

The admission, and how easily Maura admits it, make Jane blink. She eyes her blankly, and after a moment in which she seems about to ask something, she drops the subject. Lena is looking at her from the other side of the table, but Jane pretends not to see her as she focuses back on her plate. The stare is intense, though, she feels it all over her face. 

It feels like Lena doesn't stop looking at her all throughout the rest of their sightseeing. Even when they're in the car, even when they're back at Maura's house and Angela is there with lunch ready. Jane feels like the subject of an experiment even while she eats, even though she tries her best to be attentive, to participate. 

What is Lena trying to see in her? She hates being watched, being the center of such an acute attention - she just wants to exists without being witnessed, she often wishes. 

She tries not to think about Lena and instead watches Maura: the way she moves with such grace, the way she smiles and splits her attention so well between them. They're all awed by her, they gravitate to her, and it makes her bright and red-cheeked with fervor.

She gets quiet when Angela bring her birthday cake to the table. She pauses in front of the burning candles, and looks around, clearing her throat.

"I've been lonely the good majority of my life. It still feels like it's a vicious cycle I can't escape no matter how hard I try. Deep down I keep thinking loneliness is my natural state. It's familiar, I've known it since childhood, it protects me. But…" she trails off, her voice shaking on the last words. 

Angela, on her left, rubs her palm on her back, soothingly, with a small smile that Maura sees in her peripheral vision. 

"But it's also very limiting. I often find myself thinking that I've wasted my young years, that I don't know what it is like to be carefree, that I never will. Carefree is just something I cannot be now. But a little less lonely, I can. So thank you, for being here."

She looks around, making sure she shares glances with each one of them. They all have very soft smiles for her, and she ducks her head in modesty. 

Jane forgets about Lena until they're cleaning the table and Lena walks in her personal space out of the blue, calling her attention. "Can we talk?" she asks quietly.

Jane nods despite the surprise and leads her outside, keeping the door open for her out of habit, answering Maura's questioning look with a shake of her head. Lena is standing against the railing of the patio, watching as Jane comes up beside her, leaning against the railing with her back to the road. 

She crosses her legs at the ankles and looks at the difference between her black boots and Lena's shining heels.

"I wanted to apologise," is what breaks the silence. It comes from Lena, whose hands are fidgeting against her stomach, and Jane wonders what for. "For what I said yesterday."

She hums, registering the words but not thinking of anything yet. They had only one conversation yesterday, so she knows what she's talking about, but she's not sure she believes her apology. She's not even sure what she's apologizing for. 

"I did mean what I said, I want that to be clear," she says, putting her open hand in the space between them as to keep her hopes down. "But I was frustrated and I do regret the tone I used."

"I understand. It's not like I was making myself easy to be around."

"No, you weren't," Lena remarks. "And I get pretty defensive of the people I care about."

"Believe me, I understand that, too."

Lena nods in acknowledgement, letting her eyes roam over her face before focusing on hers.

"I saw the way you are together a bit more today, and you have a communication problem. You're not honest, you don't say what's on your mind."

Jane raises her eyes to her on instinct and suddenly she has the urge to go back inside, to make coffee, to turn on the TV - anything. Lena will not let her go without making her point, she's sure of it, and she feels like her point will be right.

"It wasn't just because Kara and I were there."

"No," Jane admits, and it's the truth.

"I could feel you thinking something and keeping it to yourself. It kills you, Jane."

She has no idea where it comes from, but (despite the truth of what Lena is saying) for once the words spill out unrestrained: "It has killed me many times already."

Maybe this is why she never says what she feels: for the way Lena deflates and looks at her in pitying sympathy. She looks just for a moment, enough to see her reaction, and then goes back to watching her boots. She really is used to keeping things within herself. She always has the words on her tongue, but they never make it out.

"There, that was good," Lena says, encouragingly.

"It was unintentional."

"Then make it intentional. Even if it's hard, even if it takes all your courage. It will be worth it."

"You're not supposed to fix me, Lena. I just can't. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I have to work with what I've got. I hope Maura can see how much she means to me even if I don't call me _sweetheart_."

"Of course she knows. But she deserves to hear it. Jane," she calls, waiting for me to raise her head. "You can start small. Say something honest to me now."

She knows her jaw is clenching, she feels the way her teeth almost hurt, and so many things rush through her mind she almost does burst. But they're hateful, they're childish, they're _raw_. She dreams of screaming to her beautiful, styled face that she hates how easy it is for her to come into their lives and claim Maura back - uncaring of how much time it took her to show Maura love and affection and attention, uncaring that she's been trying to learn for years and she always falls short. She dreams of telling her that she wishes she didn't know how wonderful Maura is (it would be way easier) - but she knows. She knows and she doesn't understand why Maura keeps choosing her. Her, who can't say out loud a simple _I love you_ , who can’t admit in words that being apart from her makes her feel hollow. 

She dreams of the various scenes happening, can feel the rage pumping in her blood. But Lena doesn't deserve to see her vulnerable. Lena doesn't get the privilege when Maura should, when Maura is the only one who actually could. So she exhales and spares her a glace as she walks to the door. 

"We have to go back inside," she says instead.

* * *

Maura watches as Lena prepares her bag. She can still hear Kara say that she would wait downstairs so they could say goodbye properly - she almost refused, but Lena had nodded in thanks before she could say anything and Kara had left.

So now she watches as Lena folds a shirt, the one she was wearing when she arrived, and neatly places it in her luggage. Lena has her back to her but Maura still knows she's slowing her movements down, and she knows why she's doing it. It tugs at her chest in a weird, stinging way. 

"It's strange," she says, keeping herself rooted near the door where she is. "Seeing you in my house and then seeing you leave it."

Lena slows down further, her hands start to play with the fabric in her palms. It's the black, flower-patterned kimono she wore last night. She places it down on top of the other clothes after a moment but leaves it tussled. 

When she turns, her eyes are direct as always - never trying to hide anything - and when she speaks, the glance mixes with the sure, soft tone of her voice. 

"I won't lose touch with you again."

The goosebumps come naturally, immediately. Maura knows she means it. Suddenly she's stuck with how beautiful Lena is. How fierce, how honest. If she asked her to word it differently, she would: she would say something devastatingly frank, something she really can't hear right now.

"You don't need me, Lena," she says, tilting her head. "Kara is the person you've been looking for."

Lena blinks. "She is," she admits. "That doesn't mean you don't have a very special place in my heart."

This too is true, she knows it. Lena is just saying out loud what they both know - and still, hearing her say it has an effect. Her stomach gets warm, as if a rush of lukewarm liquid is rising up inside of her, and she turns her head to the side, watching the white expanse of the walls while she breathes.

"You're making it hard, Lena."

For a moment she doesn't know if her whisper was loud enough to be heard, but then Lena replies. "I know."

She smiles, she can't help it. And when she turns her head back again, Lena takes clear pleasure in the smile she sees. It's not genuine joy: it's the absurdity of their position, and the knowledge that it's not so absurd if it's real.

The more she stays there watching Lena, the more she feels the smile fade on her lips. A heaviness settles in, and it's never been heavy between them.

Lena feels the change and sits down at the end of the bed, watching as Maura moves closer. She tries to tell herself to stop (it's difficult enough as it is), but her feet keep moving until she's standing in front of her.

"You know what you're offering me is not enough, Lena. Not now."

Lena looks up at her with her bright, clear eyes, leaning towards her. Maura crosses her arms to stop from touching her, from stroking her cheek, from caressing her hair. She's so close, it would only take a second. 

"You're choosing Jane," she says. It doesn't hold judgement or resentment, but it feels like she's even closer now, trying to see how long she can stay away. 

Something breaks as her next words form. She steps in between her legs and watches her from above, taking her face in her hands. Lena's chest heaves at the sudden touch, at the body warmth surrounding her, and her hands reach out to grab her thighs in counterpart. 

"I'm too old, Lena. And you're too far."

It would be better if she dropped her hands, if Lena dropped hers, if the space in between them went back to be wider. Lena looks so good looking up at her, her face framed by her palms, warm. 

"I still won't lose touch with you again," is the only thing Lena says. 

She nods, grateful. "I don't want you to."

With the grip on her legs, Lena tries to pull her towards her, and Maura stumbles, almost falls against her. Now she's close enough for Lena to drop her forehead against her stomach.

"Lena…", Maura exhales, letting her arms fall to her sides. She looks down at the dark head resting against her, her hands reaching to stroke her hair. She smiles at the sound Lena makes, content and breathy, and keeps caressing her even when Lena wraps her arms around her and turns her head to the side, her eyes closed as she bakes in Maura's attention. 

* * *

The goodbyes last way longer than normal. Lena and Kara linger in front of the door for long minutes, never quite inside and not fully outside. When they realize they can't stay any longer, Kara moves first: she shakes Jane's hand, telling her it was nice to meet her (nobody questions her sincerity), and then takes Maura's hands in hers and thanks her. She doesn't say what for, but Maura finds herself nodding.

She would like to go back in time and find a chance to talk to Kara in private. She has questions to ask, reassurances she needs to hear from her directly. It feels unresolved, this way. There's something about Kara that involves _her_ , she can feel it in the way she watches her. She could feel it last night in the way Kara acted, in the way she looked at her and Lena together.

She swears she will ask the next time they meet.

And then it's Lena's turn: she extends her hand for Jane to shake, smirking at her when she does. 

"Jane," is what she says, and Jane does the same.

"Lena," she acknowledges in the same way. It sounds like their names carry conversations they want to remind each other of. Maura imagines it has something to do with the two private encounters they clearly had - one while playing chess that she tried not to overhear, and the other when she saw them sneak out.

When Lena lets go and ends up in front of Maura, she extends her hand to her, too, and Maura looks at it and then back up, smiling. 

"I thought we were way past this," she says, repeating the same words Lena herself used to greet her months ago in her office. 

Lena laughs, nodding. As if that was the permission she needed, she leans in and kisses her cheek. The first kiss, surprisingly close to her mouth, is followed by another one on her cheekbone. She can feel the stickiness of Lena's lipstick on her skin.

"Happy birthday, Maura," she whispers in her ear, before walking out of her house with Kara. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this the end? Honestly, who knows.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First part of a flashback on Lena and Maura boarding school days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every time I think I'm done with this fic, my mind takes me back to it. So I gave in again, because in all honesty... I _love_ writing these two. It's so intriguing and it feels like, as characters, they have a life of their own and are out of my control, which I find very exciting.  
> So this is a look on how Lena and Maura met and how their relationship started. I also have another chapter following this one and it's almost completely done.  
> Last thing: thank you so much for the lovely comments and for being on board with this "strange" ship! I never thought I would have found an audience (?) interested in it, but I'm very glad I did.

She had met Maura during her first day at her new school. They weren't supposed to be in the same class, since Lena was younger than her and her classmates. But she was also significantly more intelligent that the average kids of her age, and the Principal had decided - with Lillian's help - that Maura's class was the right one for her.

It wasn't Maura's features that she first noticed, but the fact that she kept her head low while everyone else looked at her - _the new girl_ \- with interest. After a couple of days Lena understood that it was a habit of hers - keeping her head on her books, never trying to draw attention. _Maybe she's not as good as the others and she feels ashamed_ , she considered. 

But Maura's marks turned out to be the second best after her own.

Two months later, Lena still hadn’t memorized Maura's face, so little she had the chance to see it in proper light. Every time a professor called Maura, forcing her to look up, Lena found herself turning back to have a glimpse of her. 

She was the shyest person she had ever met. Fleeting glances and attention. In Lena's world, everyone was always actively looking for the spotlight… but not her. 

The first time they actually talked was when the science teacher paired them up for a research. Lena got up from her seat and took the one besides her, and their eyes met for the first time then. Hazel, bright. Lena couldn't help but notice the freckles on her nose and cheeks.

"Lena," she introduced herself, holding out her hand in the small space between them. A handshake felt a bit too professional, but Maura seemed to appreciate it more than a friendly smile.

"Maura."

She was ready for a loose grasp, but when Maura took her hand the grip was unexpectedly firm. 

_Nice_ , Lena thought to herself.

* * *

The professional, work-aimed approach they settled for worked wonderfully for both of them. They were the most productive pair and Maura was, indeed, very intelligent. Methodical and analytical in a way she had never seen before in people her age. She would quote entire phrases by heart without problems, but then walk away as soon as Lena tried a personal contact.

Even in the quietness of their dorm rooms, Maura wouldn't let herself go. To be honest, Lena didn't even know why she tried so hard, why it felt like she _needed_ to know her - but she did.

And so one day Lena closed her book, saying they had done enough for the day, and Maura nodded and started to gather her things.

"You don't have to run," Lena said, even though she didn't try to stop her. "Am I intimidating?"

"All people are."

She could understand that. Maura looked at her, her books hugged to her chest, and Lena just wanted to know her more.

What she did learn, week after week, was that she really disliked to be touched. Lena wasn't used to it herself, but she _liked_ it. She couldn't really start it, but the feeling of someone else's skin against her own was pleasant. Maura, on the contrary, flinched away when Lena asked if she could fix her hair.

"Please, no," she said. "I don't like to be touched."

They resumed their work without another word, but Lena kept glancing at the strand of hair tucked behind her ear. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't make her trust her even a little bit. Months had passed since their first interaction and she didn't even know when her birthday was.

All she knew was what her brain could do - she could recognize the moment her mind worked something out just from the look in her eyes. She saw the gratitude in her features when Lena would help her figure something out. Maura was feeding on notions, on knowledge. It was easy for Lena, second nature to understand easily, but Maura strived for it, she was desperate to know everything.

It was a marvel, to watch her sate her need besides her. 

There were rumors around Maura, Lena also discovered. About her family, about her history. Some said she had been abandoned and then raised by nuns, some said her mom was a drug addict. Some said she had been abused. 

Lena never asked, but she could guess that Maura was aware of these rumors. Since she didn't do anything about them, Lena tried to ignore them as well. 

She still wanted to know her - more than ever.

* * *

"I do not appreciate your attention," is what Maura said one day. They were in the library, sitting together even though they were studying separately, and Lena realized her mistake too late. Her attention was, indeed, too insistent. She had watched her too frequently that afternoon, for no reason.

She meant to apologize, she really did. "What's wrong with it?" she said instead, watching her still while Maura stopped writing and kept her eyes on her book.

"There's no legitimate reason why you should keep watching me. It bothers me."

"That much is clear. Why is that?"

Maura raised her head then and that felt like the first real honest moment between them. Maura was watching her with a twist in her jaw, her face fully in front of her.

"I'm tired of being watched like I'm not human. Like you all are trying to dissect me to understand how I function."

She could be blunt, then. Lena didn’t even blinked, but the words registered very clearly. She couldn't blame Maura for thinking that her attention was like everyone else's, but it wasn't intended to be. 

"I'm a scientist, it's my nature to try and figure things out."

"I'm not your science project."

Lena nodded, thinking that she was right. "You intrigue me. Your mind is… wonderful, Maura. There's no malice on my part, I just really can't stop myself from trying to know you."

"Why me?"

"I don't know."

Maura didn’t say anything but she seemed a little calmer, a little less weary. That day, when they parted, Maura managed a quiet _I'll see you tomorrow_ , and Lena smiled to herself.

Lena started to tell her about herself then, to see if that would reassure Maura and help her share something in counterpart. Small things, in the beginning: what food she didn't like, what books she picked up from the library. 

"I'm adopted," Lena said one day. "Today is the anniversary of my arrival at the Luthor's."

She was honestly feeling down that day - as every other year on that day - and she just wanted, for once, to share that thought with someone. Maura had noticed that she wasn't focused, she had been looking at her weirdly all afternoon, but she still seemed surprised by the revelation. 

"I don't want to be ungrateful, but… the Luthors aren't good. I'm glad they left me here at least."

Lena looked up and found that Maura was watching her, clearly unsure about what to do. And when she spoke, asking if she should provide some touch comfort, Lena saw how uncomfortable she was.

"It's fine, I know you don't like it," she dismissed her, even though in that moment her body was screaming to be held.

"I want to learn to like it."

Lena showed her open palm then, letting her decide if she really wanted to take her hand - and she did. 

Even now she remembers how cold Maura's hand was, and how the coldness made her shiver. They held hands for a while, and Maura used that moment to share the first bit about herself.

"I'm adopted, too. I asked mother to send me here, so she wouldn't have to worry about me."

Lena stroked her thumb over the back of Maura's hand, watching her closely as Maura followed each swipe with her eyes. 

"How does it feel?"

"It's pleasant," Maura said quietly, meeting her eyes for a moment. "Go on."

* * *

She did, in fact, go on. 

Gradually, in months, making sure that Maura was okay with each bit of physical affection. Lena learnt to see when Maura was in the right mood, and it was usually after a particularly good session of studying. She saw her smile at her more and more, even though she stayed the same with everyone else.

The only thing that changed when they were in class with the others was the way Maura carried herself. She started to keep herself upright, her head up. Lena didn’t think of the possibility of people noticing the subtle change, but a classmate, Elise, nudged her with her shoulder one day and said she was impressed by her.

"She's loosening up, huh? I wonder what you're doing to her."

"Listening to her."

"Sure," she replied, tilting her head and raising her eyebrows. Lena pretended not to understand, and class started soon after that.

She was, in all honesty, just listening to her, without judgment, without hidden motives; and she was stroking her intellect. Maura, on the other side, started to show a habit of sharing facts and data and statistics about whatever topic they would talk about. 

Lena would watch her in those moments and see a kind of childish excitement, bright and strong, that Maura still refused to totally embrace. She would get a glimpse of a different version of her, open and unafraid. 

That part of her was so refreshing and so sadly hidden that Lena wondered who or what had made Maura afraid to show it openly. Such a bright mind, it was a utter crime to tame it. 

Despite Maura initially saying that she didn't like her constant interest, that clearly changed over time. More and more frequently Maura would raise her eyes, find her openly watching and she would return the attention, pleased and grateful that Lena was so consistent. 

And Lena baked in her scrutiny, not afraid to admit to herself that she liked being watched by Maura. That was another side of Maura altogether: silently blunt. Lena couldn't really explain it, but her way of watching her would always make her restless in her seat. If Maura felt the same way, she didn't know.

Lena still remembers, however, the moment all changed.

Maura was studying in her room, sitting at her desk, and Lena fell asleep on the bed. She was only half asleep when something tickled her hand, over and over. She didn’t move, too sluggish to do so, but she knew it was Maura. She could feel her sitting there, on the edge of the bed, tracing her palm with her fingertips. 

"Lena," she heard her whisper to herself, reverent and breathy. _Lena, Lena_ , she repeated again. She opened her eyes then, her breathing heavy and loud, watching as Maura's fingers moved to the inside of her wrists and traced her veins.

She had never heard her voice like that, nor seen her on her bed (with her, no less), and her hand flexed on instinct, startling Maura. She turned to her, meeting her eyes, but she didn’t apologize. 

They held each other's gazes and Lena didn’t dare say a thing - not even when Maura moved her hand above her face and unexpectedly started to trace her fingertips over her eyebrow and her cheek, her nose. Then down, over her mouth.

She's still embarrassed by how quickly her lips parted for her that time.

"Lena," she breathed out again, staying there, right outside her open mouth. Something changed in her demeanor in that moment, and Lena immediately stopped her from withdrawing by raising herself in a sitting position. She found Maura at her level, almost against her chest in that small space of her bed. 

"Tell me, Maura."

"I'm attracted to you."

Those simple, honest words immediately aroused two different realizations in Lena. The first was that she already knew about Maura's feelings; not consciously maybe, but her attention had felt different since the beginning, more piercing, heavier. And the second one was that she could say the same about her.

It should have surprised her - feeling attracted by another girl - but it only felt genuine, instinctual. "Me, too," she found herself saying.

She remembers Maura leaning in then, easily, offering herself without questions. She remembers the first tentative touch of their lips, and then herself taking and taking more and more as time passed. She remembers the shock of finally, finally being touched by Maura: her hands resting gently around her neck, the unbearable warmness of her whole body pressed against hers for the first time. 

Suddenly it seemed fine to touch her, felt like she was allowed to, but Lena couldn't. The change was too unexpected, this seemed like a Maura she didn't know. 

"Maura," she breathed against her mouth. "I need a moment. Can we come back to this tomorrow?"

Maura nodded, leaving her there on the bed, still breathless, to take stock of herself. She found that the sentiment was still there, even stronger than before: she wanted her. There was no other way to put it - Maura had sparked her interest since day one. 

So what if, up until then, she was only used to screwing boys? She couldn't care less. But still, Maura's change felt too quick, too unprompted.

Neither of them walked around it the next day. They were sitting again in Lena's room but they weren't pretending to be there to study this time.

"I've liked girls before," Maura said from her chair, her hands neatly placed on her lap. "But I usually don't act on it. Too dangerous, too mind wracking."

"What is different with me?" Lena asked from the bed where she was sitting cross-legged, her back against the wall. 

"I just couldn't stay put this time. You were there, not intimidating anymore. Like right now… you look so good, Lena."

The way her body almost collapsed under the weight of that first compliment - her voice so warm, the words lined with genuineness - is still very fresh in her mind. 

She cleared her throat and tried to bring her back on the topic. "Surely you can see why it's difficult for me: one day you're guarded and far away, and the other you're a completely different person."

"I haven't been guarded with you for a while, Lena. I was only keeping myself in check. I couldn't let you come closer, my need would have grown unbearable, do you understand?"

Her eyes slipped closed on their own accord, as if that could help bear Maura's words. When she opened them again, though, Maura was fixing her with her eyes even more than before, drinking her in.

"What's changed?" she asked.

"I found that it's unbearable anyway." What Lena realized that day was that not only Maura wasn't shy in showing her interest, but she also wasn't shy about voicing it. "I look at you and I feel the need of coming there and climbing in your lap." 

Lena honestly choked, finding herself coughing and wincing at her own reaction. 

"Are you timid? Am I too blunt?" 

She wanted to say that yes, she was - but it was somehow welcomed. New, but she could adjust: the thrill of being blunt in return sparked to life inside her.

"Listen, Lena, social interactions are difficult for me, too unpredictable. But sex? I know what to expect, I know the elements involved. Sex makes sense, it's logical. So that's another reason why I'm so different right now: right now I'm confident."

That was, indeed, very clear.

"How can this happen? We both have roommates, anyone could walk in any minute."

Maura smiled, tilting her head at her. "Firstly, you're privileged in the school. You're the only one allowed to study in your room and not in the library. In company, no less. Have you noticed? And secondly, your roommate is in the tennis team and she has practice thrice a week. I'm also quite sure that she already wonders what we do here every day."

Lena smiled despite herself: Maura had already thought of everything and the thought exhilarated her. The proper, shy girl she used to be around seemed like a pretense now, a presence that maybe had actually been a dream. It made her warm, the knowledge that she had thought about it so much that she had figured out all the details. 

"Plus, wouldn't you enjoy the risk of being caught? I think you would."

"Would you?" Lena asked back, straightening her legs in front of her and watching as Maura followed the movement with interest.

"Yes."

She recalls a long silence after that, until Maura stood up from her seat and walked to the edge of the bed, and Lena scooted off the wall and towards her. She remembers opening her legs enough to have Maura between her thighs and watching her from above, and she remembers the way Maura took her face with her hands - warm, this time - and leaned down. 

The kiss was so languid that she felt light-headed, almost out of her own body. And when Maura swept her tongue past her lips for the first time, something tugged inside her belly, strong and unexpected, and she gave it back by pulling Maura to her.

And she, never breaking the kiss, followed, sitting down in her lap as she had asked for, the weight of her so, so welcomed.

"I'm giving you permission to touch," Maura whispered against her mouth, making her realize that her hands were back on the bed. "Do as you please, I like it when you touch me."

There was no skin in display - Maura's shirt buttoned all the way to her throat, a long-sleeved cardigan covering her arms, a black, thick pair of tights keeping her warm under the uniform skirt. But somehow the friction of her hands over the fabrics was even more electrifying, reminding them of where they were, of how dangerous it was.

She skimmed her hand up along Maura's stomach, feeling it push against her palm when she breathed in. And when Maura started to grind impatiently, she moved her hand up, cupping her breast through the cotton and the rigidity of her bra.

A gentle squeeze was enough for Maura to pop their mouths apart and breathe out her request. "There's no time for this, Lena. Just make me come."

She somehow managed to oblige, with her hand under her skirt and trapped under the elastic of her tights and panties, moving blindly over her clit, unable to go further. Maura got herself there, with her hands on Lena's shoulders for leverage, grinding against her fingers as she watched. 

"Go on, Maura," she encouraged, her free hand sliding along her thigh until she could grip her soft cheek. "Take what you want."

Maura followed her command, closing her eyes, moving her hips back and forth until her movements turned irregular and she came on her hand, quietly and breathlessly.

That was only the first of many similar encounters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just take deep breaths for the next chapter.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As promised, here's the second part of the flash back.

For a long time they couldn’t be naked with each other. The knowledge they gathered of each other's body was fragmented, bits here and there that they had to place together in their minds.

The place they were in and the constant fear of someone walking in on them left them with no other choice but to undress only when it was really necessary. The warm weather helped and made the whole thing easier, but it still wasn't the same.

A lot of times Maura would look at Lena's shirt, hovering with her hands over the buttons, feeling the distinct need to put her mouth on the skin under the fabric - only to decide against it: if someone opened the door, the buttons would stay unfastened, making it impossible to hide what they were doing. 

It was exciting at first - finding themselves in the bathrooms, closing their studying sessions on the bed, whispering filthy words in the ears in passing.

But it wasn't enough, and instead of having their need satisfied, it only got worse, driving both of them crazy more and more, frustration getting the best of them too often.

Both Lena's and Maura's roommates were bought into this from the beginning, so that (at least) they wouldn't have to sneak in and out if their own rooms. And it was clear to all four of them that Lena and Maura needed some real privacy or they would collapse.

"Listen, Lena," Amber told her one morning while getting dressed. "We can arrange something. Two of us just need to swipe room for one night, it's not impossible."

For a moment Lena didn’t even understand what her roommate was talking about, but it became clear when she raised her eyebrows at her silence. "That's kind of you, but it can't work, you know it."

"And why not? It's not like teachers barge into the rooms at night. Plus, you think no one else here is in a relationship? Please. This place is not run by nuns, even the headmaster knows what happens."

"She does?"

Amber honestly smiled at her surprise. "She couldn't care less as long as it doesn't create any quarrels between anyone. No drugs, no alcohol, sure. But no sex? I don't remember reading that in the statute."

"And there are others? No one's out, though."

"I know. Honestly, once out of here? A lot of girls will probably pretend that it meant nothing. They will have their expected straight life and just keep it all to themselves."

She clearly remembers Amber stopping then, meeting her eyes and tilting her head, assessing her. "Not you, though." 

That line followed her around for years and years after boarding school, when the prospect of liking another girl who wasn't Maura seemed impossible and she kept finding herself with men around her. She told herself that Amber had simply been wrong about her, that she _was_ one of those girls she made fun of. It wasn't her fault that no other girl made her feel anything and, in any case, her life changed too many times too quickly to think about it.

But along the line she realized that, actually, it wasn't a matter of choosing men or women. She liked both, only differently: she could fuck men she knew almost nothing about, picking them out as she went and then forgetting about them; with women, on the contrary, sex felt like a bonding experience, sweet time she would take to unravel them and let them do the same to her, an intimacy that would inevitably continue outside of the bed. It was emotionally easier with men, and that was the only reason why they were numerically predominant. 

"Amber, would you really be okay with it?"

"Of course, Lena. Who knows, I could be in your place sooner or later."

* * *

She would like to say that she remembers everything about the first night she shared with Maura - what she felt while walking down the dark corridors of the dorm, every single word they exchanged during the night, what thoughts crossed her mind in those moments. But, actually, it's only some bits of it that she remembers; bits that are, however, impossibly clear.

The first - the moment Maura was lying under her, still, watching the way her trembling hands were trying to unfasten her sleeping shirt, working on the buttons one by one so incredibly slowly. Maura could have taken it off by the head, that was clear to both of them, but the slow reveal by her own hands was what Lena needed in that moment, and Maura let her take her time.

And when the sides parted at last, still held in place only by Maura's breasts, Lena leaned down and nuzzled the freckled skin of her chest, taking her time to commit to memory its natural smell and then tasting, the barest hint of sweat on her tongue as she proceeded down her belly. 

And then, her hands insinuating under the each side of Maura's sleeping top, she bared her completely. The view left her without words, her mouth parted in awe as she studied her for the first time.

"Don't you find that my areolas match the color of my lips?" Maura whispered with a small smile after some moments, looking down at herself. "Isn't that sweet?"

Sweet was the way she tasted. The feeling of her nipple turning erect in her mouth.

The second - herself laying down on her front with Maura straddling her legs, her hands tracing the moles from her shoulder blades and then her tattoo for the first time. 

" _Purity_ ,” Maura said, touching the big letters on the small of her back with her fingertips.

“Something I will never be.”

“Something that you don't need to be.”

And how _not pure_ it felt to have her mouth descend on her.

The third - the liberty of sounds. Hearing Maura moan, quietly but there, her mouth open and not hidden against her neck. Seeing her on her side, facing her, and watching the way her jaw would work each sound out. 

The excitement of hearing her tell her what to do - _I would really like if you touched yourself for me, Lena. If you kept your eyes to mine and told me what you're feeling._

Finding her words for the first time to meet her request, pushing them out despite the initial shame and the blankness of her mind. 

"What you're feeling, Lena. With your senses," Maura told her to ground her, but she couldn’t settle on anything, so Maura provided her own thoughts. "Your body is so warm it feels like it's fevering up. I'm so slick it's almost uncomfortable. I can't stop looking at you."

At each admission her fingers sped up between her legs automatically, making a wet sound that resonated in the small space between them, and the smile that spread on Maura's lips made her feral enough to let herself go.

"What are you doing to me?" she wondered out loud, closing her eyes for a second before opening them again. "I don't know what I want but I want everything."

Maura kissed her then, wetly and boldly, the insistence of her lips so unrelenting that Lena had no choice but to come like that, groaning in the back of her throat and inside her mouth.

The last - coming out of the bathroom, freshly washed, and realizing she now smelled like Maura. Her body soap flowery but not heavy, clinging to her skin.

Her eyes adjusted to the dim light of the bedroom again to see Maura there in bed, her head propped up with her hand, waiting for her. She bit her lip, unsure about what to do. 

"I should go," Lena said, taking some steps towards her anyway. She had lost complete track of time, and she couldn't afford to stay much longer.

"Just some moments," she encouraged, rubbing the vacant space on the bed besides her with her free palm. "Cuddling releases oxytocin, it's important for the immune system. And it also reinforces the emotional bond."

"Cuddling leads to round two, Maura."

"Yes, that can also happen," she smirked, before going back to seriousness. "I'm not ready to let you go just yet. We don't know when we might be able to do it again."

She obliged, finding herself sharing her sentiment, and the moment she settled against her side, her nose pressed against Maura's neck, she breathed in relief. Her back relaxed at the smell of the same soap she now had on herself, a sigh escaping her mouth when Maura wrapped her arms around her tightly, leaving no space between them.

She felt so sleepy then, so warm. "A marvel of chemistry," Maura murmured softly against her ear.

"Don't let me fall asleep."

* * *

Unexpectedly, after that night they developed a whole different kind of closeness, beyond sexual. It was a mellow kind of intimacy, a type intended to render them breathless in bliss, to sedate the need of touching for the sole pleasure of it and nothing else.

It started with Maura asking Lena if she could brush her hair for her. Lena honestly stilled right there at her request: no one had brushed her hair after her adoption, as she was expected to do everything on her own (first of all, meaningless tasks like that one). If her mom had ever brushed her hair, she had no recollection of it. 

"Come," Maura encouraged softly, noting her silence. 

Despite the uneasiness she took a seat on the bed, Maura sitting on her knees behind her, towering her enough to have easy access to the top of her head. Lena only started to relax when she felt a gentle hand cradling her skull.

"I can see your heaving," Maura whispered in her ear, making her shiver while the warmth of her body melted her stiffness away bit by bit. The even, calm strokes of the hairbrush did the rest, the combing so tender that it evoked a feeling of being taken care of she had never experienced before. 

It made the heaviness of her breathing worse, and tears gathered behind her closed eyelids. Maura's fingertips kept her still, pressing softly behind her ear, and smoothed her locks back. A part of Lena wanted to tell her to stop, that it was too much, but she knew that opening her mouth to speak would mean to just whine instead.

"You are free here," Maura said, softly as she could, breath washing over her nape. It only took a kiss, pressed there at the base of her neck, for her to let go. 

Soon enough Lena started to show a similar kind of interest: she spent afternoons idly playing with Maura's hand, feeling the hard ridges of the knuckles and grazing the palm with her fingers until it tickled; she welcomed her feet on her lap frequently, gently working on them, rubbing and squeezing until Maura turned incoherent. 

And every time it happened, at some point Maura nudged her legs apart and dragged her foot against her thigh, rubbing against the soft flesh there until Lena's eyes closed and her body sunk in the seat. Only then Maura pressed against her crotch, gently but enough to make her hum. She stayed there as Lena's hips shifted against the pressure, her hand on the arch of her foot to press her there more firmly. 

Those were moments that Maura loved for the visual she was granted more than anything else. Lena had had a magnetic pull over her since the first day, but what was truly unexpected was the burning yearn to witness her at every moment that kept growing stronger and stronger. She just wanted to watch her as she existed, commit to memory the way she would bite her lip to keep from making sounds, or how heavy her breathing would become at the littlest stimulus. She just wanted to remember her - a deliciously hedonistic view. Sometimes loving her felt like worshipping a goddess, her body burning on a fever that would drive her mad if she tried to resist.

And being loved by her in return felt like a whole other kind of madness.

* * *

Sharing a bed was a privilege more than a habit. Sharing it all night long and waking up together was even more rare. But every time that happened, they found themselves sharing things about themselves more honestly than ever before.

It was strange, as they never really had a problem with truth and directness, but it really was different, because those times the topics of conversation were more personal: the darkness of the room and their quiet vicinity, the comfort of their embrace under the covers prompted some of their more meaningful hours.

"Lena," she said quietly once as they were spooning, Lena behind her with an arm around her waist. Lena hummed in question. "I've never felt less alone than I do when I'm with you."

In her mind it sounded better than that, so she placed her hand over Lena's on her stomach, squeezing when Lena stayed silent. After some moments she understood that Lena was letting her decide whether to go on or let the topic drop.

"You let me be," she decided to add. "You're witnessing me and it's not heavy. I don't have to restrain myself, I can say what I want to say and know that you won't be mad for it, even if it's not appropriate, even if it's unexpected."

She wanted to turn, to see her face and be grounded by her gaze, but she stayed right there, content enough by the hold around her.

"You can take my way of being. I don't know if you understand how long I've wanted to feel like this."

Lena tightened her hold on her at that, pulling her back against her front. She nuzzled at her hairline and then whispered something against her ear that Maura had not way of anticipating: "There are times when I wish I could be inside you - know what you're thinking, what you're seeing. Times where I wish I could experience myself through you."

Maura cursed in surprise, the ungraceful sound tumbling out of her mouth before she could stop it. It was a shock for both of them - as Maura would frequently use explicit words but never profanities - and Lena stilled at the sound, breathing through her mouth against her neck. 

Lena snapped back into reality when Maura pushed her joined hands down her front. "I'm never ready for what you're about to give me," Lena whispered when she recovered. "I'm always a step ahead of others but not with you. Do you have any idea how thrilling that is?"

Finding her wet was not surprising for either of them, but Maura trembled, almost overwhelmed on every front. 

"You will have a memory of me, Lena," she murmured, encouraging Lena's hand inside and sighing when she obliged so easily. "It doesn't bother me. I want you to remember me, I want you to think of me."

Lena sneaked her other arm under her head, her hand finding Maura's free one and interlocking their fingers. Hooking her upper leg over Lena's behind her, effectively opening herself up - Maura felt floaty, almost drunk.

"I think of you, Maura, I do it constantly. I think of experiencing you outside of here, among people. Of watching them watch you, knowing I would be the one you would go back home with."

Lena's strokes inside of her were so slow, so languid, that Maura drove her hips up impatiently.

Lena smiled against her ear. "I will make you come, I promise. But relax for now, because you don't yet know that I think of you in your own clothes, trying to imagine what they would be like. I think of you succeeding, being praised for how wonderful you are. Other people out there will see you, it would be impossible not to."

Maura tried to beg her, pushing her ass back against her lap and blindly grabbing the back of her neck - but it was in vain as Lena kept her strokes tender.

"I wonder if people would know about us. Could they see it in our eyes that we've known each other? Could they tell by the way we watch each other?"

"I think they would," Maura breathed out, her hand letting go of Lena's nape and falling back across her stomach, her body starting to accept Lena's slowness. "When you want me it's all over you, Lena, you can't hide it. Anyone can see."

She didn’t say it to make her snap out of her reverie, but it did: Lena's breath hitched and the next thing Maura knew was her thrusts inside of her turning deep and confident.

"See? It's like I can see your face right now," Maura choked out, both relieved and overthrown by the sudden change. "You seem such a proper, measured girl, in control… but not when it comes to me. I can see you, too, Lena, you are burning inside. I stroke you and you light up."

It was cruel to tease her like this when she had no way to touching her back and relieving her - but it was delicious to feel her hump against her ass, mouthing nonsense against her shoulder blades.

"Always trying to do the right thing, trying to be such a good girl to be loved. I know what it feels like. You want them to tell you they love you, but they never do. Even though you are _so_ good."

She couldn't blame Lena for pushing inside of her with another finger, frantic and loud and still not enough. She thought of touching herself - it would be so easy to reach her clit and add the pressure to the mix - but she didn't.

Instead, Maura almost laughed. "Be as harsh as you wish but you won't silence me." She turned her head back, her free hand squeezing Lena's thigh. "Don't you want to hear how good you are?" 

Lena's mouth latched onto hers immediately despite the angle, hot and open and desperate as her wrist kept moving, groans of pleasure passing between their lips. 

"Right there, Lena," she murmured against her mouth, feeling her legs tremble. "I'm going to come but you keep going, alright? Please."

Her mind shut down then, all her muscles tense for a long moment before the orgasm zipped through her and made her writhe. She only had the control to turn her face back to the pillow, muffling there her pleasure. 

And Lena was so, so diligent in her task that Maura almost lost perception of her own body as she kept up her rhythm. "You're right: it's all over me, Maura," she consented. "And why would I try to conceal it? I'm not ashamed. You're dripping down my wrist so nicely, I would let anyone know."

Her legs clamped closed on their own accord, trapping Lena's hand in between and forcing her to stop, but her body kept trembling anyway as she kept talking.

"Breathe," she whispered sweetly as she kissed her cheek, her fingertips moving gently inside, bringing her down from her high and keeping her suspended there at the same time. "You can come and find me outside of here. Immediately or in five years, I don't care. And if we were to never see each other again, you can still be sure that I'm thinking of you."

Maura sighed, lifting her face away from the pillow and turning it to the side towards her, eyes closed and breathing heavy. Their hands still interlocked, Maura gave a gentle squeeze to let her know that she was listening.

"It's so liberating to be with you," Lena went on, her eyes studying her in the dim light. "You make me feel vulnerable, and for once it's not bad."

Maura stopped trembling and her body now relaxed back against hers, her thighs unclenching. Lena slowly retreated her hand, wiping it on the sheets before bringing it back to caress Maura's stomach.

"The worst thing I've had to learn being with the Luthors is to be wary of everyone around me. Now there's always a voice in the back of my mind telling me to stay alert: someone is about to turn against you, you're being fooled, can you really trust their words?"

Her voice was trying to stay firm, but Maura sensed the strain that quickly formed. She tried to turn, but Lena just held her against her.

"It's so quiet with you," she said, her eyes closing when Maura brought their hands to her mouth and kissed the back of hers. "I know there won't be teasing, no playing around, no tests to pass, no need to prove myself."

"You're just wonderful, Lena."

She changed her mind then. Squeezing her side, she softly asked her to turn around and kiss her. And when Maura so promptly did, shuffling on her back and pulling her to her - _come, Lena, come here_ \- she laid on her and met her mouth.

She thought then that if she had to describe Maura with one word only, _safe_ would have been the most accurate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can already tell you that you will get another chapter of this... back in the present :)

**Author's Note:**

> Come find me here! [ Tumblr ](http://thistableforone.tumblr.com/)


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